I ain't tryin to scare anybody, but there are big, BIG scary creatures outside. My mom is making me take care of the yard (I don't live in the dorms) and you think they're just plants and trees and whatever but they're NOT. They are incredibly slow moving life forms that are fixin to gobble us all up! I've seen 'em. Wicked, wicked things with tentacles and thorns reticulated bodies. We move so quick we barely notice 'em, but I am telling you, they want to take OVER.

I am dirty and need a shower but I'm tellin her I ain't goin back.