I wear a hat made of lead. That's why I came to this school--because of the Lead Hat Society and their peculiar fashion sense.

I was selected at an early age for such an honor. Special seats in special classes in the third grade. Secret off-site meetings in the fifth. By middle school we were fully fitted and wore our lead hats in plain view, but no one asked questions. They'd just say "There's those kids in the funny hats."

Now our lead hats weigh heavy on our heads. And who is there to remove these ponderous crowns? The Lead Hat Society has disappeared--indeed, it appears to never have existed. And the finest school nurses at Psyhigh refuse to lend a hand, citing "brain damage" and "permanent bed head" and "above their pay grade" and that they're "not gods."

So I walk the halls of Psychic High School with poor posture and a tired neck, seeking clues on how to remove my lead hat.