I feel so lucky to have taken part in the Historic Haunted Liberty Theater field trip, and to have been blessed -- #BLESSED! -- to leaen about the Stoney Palms Time Share program. My husband and I have signed up, and if you'd like to learn more I'd love to help you sign up too. It will truly change your life!

Pepper
(@Monterey Jack's mom)

Experience eternal bliss - at Stoney Palms Timeshares!

I've left stacks of beautiful full-color tri-fold brochures around campus for Stoney Palms. See the gorgeous desert views! The ancient stone architecture! The hot tub room!

Please take them and share them with your parents or guardians. You'll see I've written my contact info on them, so make sure to have your parents contact me directly. And if they sign up, let me know you gave it to them and I'll make sure you get a $10 gift card to the Spoonbender, which is where I hear you young people like to hang out.

Pepper
(@Monterey Jack's mom)

Set off on the journey of a lifetime - to Stoney Palms Timeshares!

I made my first payment of $559.99, and tomorrow I leave for the orientation tour. Colby couldn't get the time off work, and with @Monterey Jack working so hard at his new school, that means it'll be my first solo vacation. I am so excited I can't even tell you!

My group meets at the Stoney Palms offices downtown at 2pm. They're in the old Masonic Temple building, where they repurposed the automatism tanks in the basement. Now they're all direct lines to Stoney Palms. They wrap your suitcase in big plastic bags and toss it in the tank. Then you wade in after them and head down the steps till you pop out at Stoney Palms on the far shore. I have a brand new one-piece swimsuit just for the occasion.

While I'm away, feel free to contact my husband Colby if any of your parents or guardians would like to be a part of this very special opportunity!

Pepper
(@Monterey Jack's mom)

Hey did anybody else's parents go to Stoney Palms vacation rentals? Or time share or whatever? My mom - @Pepper Jack - left last weekend and said she'd call twice a day and send me a postcard once a day but I haven't heard anything from her.

Also, I'm getting really confused about our individual jobs for our Crime Club performance this Friday. It's like every time we run thru it it's completely different. I liked the one where @Steak Richardson hides in the waiter's trolley, posing as a filet mignon, and then opens the receiving shells in the giant oysters rockefeller and pipes us all in on teleport. But then the next night I found myself lowering down from a stained glass skylight and getting all tangled up in the ropes. @Nobody, can we just decide on one? And what day it is?

Dear @Monterey Jack,

Having a wonderful time. Getting lots of good sun and exercise. Always lots to do - gathering reeds, bringing water to the men in the mud pits, mending the ropes for the stone pullers. Early to bed, early to rise! Didn't realize there was such a health regimen. And such lovely scenery! You can see the whole complex on the front of this postcard. At the top right, see the giant winged lion-headed statue? My quarters are just to the east of that.

Love,

Mom

Dear @Monterey Jack,

Today I met the big boss ;). He's the owner of Stoney Palms. Such a regal, commanding presence. Especially with his throne bearers. And dogs. I hear he owns several time shares, and they're all magnificent! His name is @Cheery Olson.

He's asked me to be part of his "special group" of members, so I get to move into his building. It is truly a palace. Truly! What an honor to be recognized by such a great man.

Love,

Mom

I AM MEKHENOTEP! MASTER OF THE BURNING SANDS! ERECTOR OF TEMPLES TO ETERNITY! OWNER OF SEVERAL TREMENDOUS PROPERTIES!

MEKHENOTEP HAS BEEN WORKING HARD. FOR MANY MONTHS I TOILED, RECREATING THE GLORIES OF DAYS GONE BY, GROWING MY EMPIRE OF DESTRUCTION ONE VACATION RENTAL PROPERTY AT A TIME. MY 4000 YEAR OLD SHELL COMPANY, SUN BOAT CRUISES LLC, HAS BEEN IN ACQUISITION MODE.

BUT MEKHENOTEP REALIZED ONE THING -- THERE IS NO GOING BACK. OLD LOVES DIE HARD. OR, IN THE CASE OF MY OLD GIRL FRIEND, NOT DIE AT ALL, BUT GO COMPLETELY NUTSO. WE HAVE GROWN TOO FAR APART IN OUR IMMORTALITY.

AT FIRST MEKHENOTEP THOUGHT PERHAPS HE WAS LOSING HIS VIRILITY. 4000 YEARS CAN MESS WITH YOUR LIBIDO. BUT NOW MY HAREM HAS GROWN LARGE ONCE MORE, AND THE LOVELY DESERT FLOWER WHO CALLS HERSELF @Pepper Jack CALLS TO ME ACROSS THE WASTES OF MY ANCIENT HEART.

SOON SHE WILL GAZE INTO MY RING OF POWER AND LOSE HERSELF UTTERLY TO MY TIMELESS CHARM. SHE WILL FIND IRRESISTIBLE MY NEMES HEADDRESS, MY HEQA SCEPTER, MY TOTALLY FOXY URAEUS.

BUT STILL I DO MENTAL BATTLE WITH THE ONE CALLED CHEERY OLSON. HIS REIGN IS GREATLY LIMITED, BUT HIS SPARK WILL NOT DIE! ONE OF THESE DAYS I WILL CATCH HIM UNAWARES, AND AT THAT TIME I WI...

Yo @Buck Rainier! Long time no write! How's it going? I kinda had to drop out of school, but now I've got my own place and a job and everything. It's great! It's at a theme park outside of Marfa, TX. My room is awesome, and the work is totally easy. I goof off practically all day long!

Dear @Monterey Jack,

The desert is so lovely this time of year. Though I spend most my time these days observing it from the throne room, playing Hounds and Jackals with Mr. Big. That's what everybody calls @Cheery Olson. He's actually foreign, I think, with just enough of an accent to make him even more mysterious. Sometimes when he gazes at me with his fiery, smoldering eye sockets I think he's flirting with me!

You should really come down and visit. For spring break! I asked your father, Colby, but he can't get away from work. I've purchased you a ticket - just head over to the old Masonic Temple building and they'll send you straight here.

Can't wait to see you!

Mom

Sheesh! I knew I shouldn't have come.

My mom wasn't at the teleport, so caught a chariot to the Palace. This place is crazy - like a broken down movie set. Old west saloons, half-built pyramids. And the "rides" look like they suck. Pulling big styrofoam blocks around, making bricks out of mud. Where's the fun in that?

I just hope they have food at the Palace. I am STARVING!

I AM MEKHENOTEP! TASKMASTER OF KINGS! ANNIHILATOR OF THE IMPURE! BOARD MEMBER OF A GROWING NUMBER OF FORTUNE 500 COMPANIES!

MY EMPIRE CONTINUES TO GROW. BOOKINGS ARE UP, AS IS PARTICIPATION IN OUR LOYALY PROGRAM. MY 4000 YEAR OLD SHELL COMPANY, SUN BOAT CRUISES LLC, IS INVESTING HEAVILY IN MIND-CONTROL HIEROGLYPHS FOR VIRAL DISTRIBUTION.

BUT SADLY, ALL IS NOT WELL IN THE HEART OF MY KINGDOM. A CHILD HAS ARRIVED! AND NOT MY OWN. THOUGH THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN MORE DANGEROUS. NO, THIS IS THE OFFSPRING OF MY CHOSEN CONCUBINE, MY DESERT ROSE, MY @Pepper Jack. HOW IS MEKHENOTEP TO KNOW OF YOUR RING-BEARING MARITAL RITUALS? AT LEAST I CHECKED TO MAKE SURE IT WAS NOT MAGIC.

THIS CHILD DISRUPTS THE HARMONY OF MY PALACE. THIS CHILD SEEKS TO LEAD MY SLAVES OUT OF BONDAGE! THIS CHILD UTTERS THE VILE INCANTATION OF "CLASS ACTION SUIT!"

WHAT TO DO? TO AFFLICT THIS FOUL HUMAN WITH MY NIGHTMARE LASH WOULD COMPLICATE RELATIONS WITH MY BELOVED. ON THE OTHER HAND, REVENUE COULD BE SEVERELY IMPACTED IF I DO NOT ACT! THE IMMORTAL LIFE OF MEKHENOTEP IS TRULY CURSED BY THE GODS.

I WILL USE MY RING OF POWER TO ENACT TOTAL CONTROL OVER THIS @Monterey Jack. I WILL USE THE POWER OF MY WILL, IN THE SAME WAY I CONTROL MY NEMESIS CHEERY OLSON AND BIND HIM T....

Hey @Monterey Jack! I'm from Psyhigh too! I heard that you were down south. We should totally get together and hang. Can't wait to hear stories about the old school!