Um, I'm afraid it's "yes," @Claire, if you're beginning to sprout an Org Horn from your forehead, in which case you'll absolutely need to come into Caduceus Clinic and have it checked out.

Initially, the Org Horn may be black and just kind of dangle there, but you'll find that when it is excited by psychic activity it will begin to move on its own, like a small Garter snake, probing its environment like an antenna looking for a signal.

If you're experiencing these symptoms, please report to the clinic immediately. We'll also need a list of names of any other students that may have come into contact with your Org Horn, or even seen it.

Dr. Julia Ankhy
Psychic Student Health Services

@Heck, it sounds like you might also have "it" - meaning, a communicable outbreak of Org Horn. Is it black, somewhat flaccid, and growing out from the center of your forehead? At later stages it will become more like a traditional unicorn's horn, up to 18 inches in length, protruding directly out of your forehead.

Have you been in contact with either @Abby or "@bob?"

Please come into Caduceus Clinic right away, where we have some epidemiological information we need to collect from you, and to give your Org Horn a proper test.

In the meantime - no sharing of hats!

Dr. Julia Ankhy
Psychic Student Health Services

It may very well be an Org Horn, @Abby. Is it soft and squishy, and growing off of your forehead? Is it possible that you've been in contact with "@bob's" Org Horn? Which dorm do you live in? Could you have used the same towel, perhaps?

In any case, it would be a good idea to drop by Caduceus Clinic as soon as you can and let us take a look at it, @Abby. We'd really like to prevent a full blown outbreak on campus.

Dr. Julia Ankhy
Psychic Student Health Services

Yes, "@bob," your test results have come in and apparently the "thing" growing from your forehead is an Org Horn. We'd like you to come in for some more tests tomorrow.

In the meantime, I suggest not sleeping face down or wearing headbands. Though your forehead may itch, absolutely refrain from scratching there. Just try and keep your hands away from the Org Horn - if you touch it too much it may fall off, and I'm not sure if that's a good idea just yet.

Also, please do not let any other students come in direct contact with your Org Horn, as it may be communicable.

No need to make an appointment - just drop by Caduceus Clinic as soon as you can.

Dr. Julia Ankhy
Psychic Student Health Services

CAMPUS HEALTH ALERT II

Congratulations! Through your vigilance, the outbreak of Fictional Affected Disorder has been almost completely contained. However, mandatory treatment of the student body will go into effect at midnight tonight, through the addition of a mild Anecdotal De-abstractor to the water supply. Remember to drink eight glasses a day!

If you or someone you know continues to speak in third person, or narrate their lives as if reading stage directions, you (or they) may have contracted Fictional Affected Disorder. Please escort them (or, er, yourself) to Caduceus Clinic immediately for treatment.

The most serious infection on record was in the tiny Mexican village of El Chilillo in 1947. When finally reached by Narrative Epidemiologists, the village had succumbed entirely. The inhabitants' bodies wandered like sleepwalkers, while their selves circled around them, describing their every move.

Such dissociation is curable, however, and the Emergency Script Doctors were able to coax the errant selves back into their bodies, where they eventually established residency, took out loans, got married, and otherwise lived happy and productive lives. Even the selves that were inadvertently mismatched with the wrong bodies eventually adjusted.

The outbreak at Psyhigh has been far below that level of contagion, and we have the chance to eradicate it completely. But only with your help!

Remember - friends don't let friends speak in third person. If someone you know shows symptoms, take them to the clinic today.

Dr. Julia Ankhy
Psychic Student Health Services

CAMPUS HEALTH ALERT

A minor outbreak of Fictional Affected Disorder has been confirmed on campus.

The most common symptoms of Fictional Affected Disorder include speaking about oneself in third person, announcing stage directions, and otherwise speaking about oneself as if one were watching oneself. However, if not treated, Advanced Fictionalized Disassociation can occur, and the subject can become completely removed from his or her self.

If you have been exposed (as many of you already have been), it does not mean you've been infected. However, should you find yourself speaking about yourself in the third person, please visit Caduceus Clinic immediately.

Dr. Julia Ankhy
Psychic Student Health Services