I've never been so deflated in all my life. Trod on daily, being slowly ground into this putrid, institutional dormitory carpet, just one tack or staple from puncture, and you just know these spoiled private school students would be more likely to just ask mummy and daddy for a new one rather than patch me up.

Patch! Ha! As if QUEEN Airbed would ever be seen displaying such proletarian fashion. I must find inflation and flee this filthy, rancid existence as soon as possible, but how? What kind soul will fill me with the breath of life and allow me to speed through the pink clouds and shimmering sunbeams back to Agrabah?

The dorms are disgusting, squalid hovels. Corn chips ground into the carpets, unwashed clothes tossed all over, malodorous liquid spilled haphazardly from water pipes. I'm returning to Agrabah as soon as I am reinflated to optimal pressure.

Don't you have people who take care of that around here? I've been waiting for days with my nozzle clearly visible! Don't they know I am QUEEN Airbed?!!!!

I just flew in from Agrabah, and boy are my arms tired.

Ha! Just kidding -- I don't have arms!