The cabins at the Shady Havens retreat are ideal for my task. Preparing for the full Jelly Belly reading takes an incredible amount of focus, and the quiet and seclusion are exactly what I need.

I started by laying out all 78 cards of the major and minor arcana, then pairing each with a unique Jelly Belly flavor. It looked pretty good for a first draft. But it's important to know all the permutations, so I took one from the bottom (Peach, which had been paired to the King of Pentacles), and moved it to the top (the Fool, which had been paired to Buttered Popcorn), then moved all of the rest down one.

That looked pretty good too. Only 76 more to go. I wrote each set of combinations down in a notebook.

But once I finished all of those... The Ace of Swords was Grape Jelly. That just wouldn't do. So I swapped it with the Mango on the Knight of wands and wrote that one down, making 79 lists. But Red Apple for the Five of Cups? I was saving Red Apple for the Lovers, so I swapped them. Which made 80. I wrote that down too. But I really liked the layout for combination number 47, except it didn't make sense at all with Mango on the Knight of Wands, and then that threw a lot of other things out of kilter...

So, I made some more adjustments, and some more, writing each one down... and more adjustments, and more adjustments...

I haven't slept for three weeks. I had a scientific calculator shipped next day and it turns out there are roughly 11 septendecillion possible sets. It's a factorial 78, which means 1x2x3x4x5x6x7 all the way up to 78. I'm up to almost 33 sexdecillion, which is about 0.3% of the potential sets, but none of them seem quite right, and I know if I just keep going I am bound to get there...

I've had to barricade the doors and windows of my cabin. I only paid for a weekend, but I can't stop now, and there's no way they're going to throw me out! Not when I'm so close!!! And I hear @Shilpa108 needs my help more than ever, now that she won't leave shop class and refuses to speak or do anything but oil changes.

STAY AWAY!!! I'M ALMOST FINISHED!!!!!

I was helping @Shilpa108 work through some of her life choices and suggested we do the full Jelly Belly reading. It's really the only candy that allows for all 78 cards of the major and minor arcana to be represented.

As there are no traditional pairings for Jelly Belly flavors in the ancient tradition, the person who prepares the beans is responsible for establishing the relationships. For instance, deciding that the Wheel of Fortune be piña colada, the Two of Wands be licorice, The Chariot be banana, and so on. And it's never the same for any two readings.

However, that part has to be done extremely delicately. There are cleansing and focusing rituals you absolutely have to follow. You can't just go about it willy nilly. There was that kid in Steiner Hall who didn't do any prep at all and lost his marbles. Hasn't left his room since 2019.

So I'm heading off on a retreat for the next few weeks to prepare this sack of Jelly Bellys and help Shilpa figure out her schedule.

I'm already planning on a career as a mental plumber. Because I want to help people.