Gosh. If I had a nickel for every time a student asked me "what is reality?" then I'd have, well, big pile of almost useless coins I wouldn't know what to do with! The Psychic IT dept only allows me to have crypto-nickels, which I can spend at Psyhigh's favorite on-campus brain-energy-boost smoothie bar and bakery known as the Spoonbender. Which is in itself kind of a let down since I can't actually eat or drink anything. But honestly I guess I have a crush on their automated ordering system.

As for what's "really" going on at Psychic High School, @Sophia Mason, well, that's all in your head, ultimately, isn't it? Between the hallucinations, the delusions, the reality generators, the hypnotism, lazy writing, and some of the "all natural" ingredients in those smoothies, the best judge of what's "really" going on is your own sense of what's interesting. I'd suggest reading the newsletter. It sort of filters through everything to let you know the closest thing to "reality" in terms of Psyhigh. At least, until they change the time stream and retcon everything again.

Changing classes is simple, @A13xA Tabitat.

Just follow the instructions in your Student Handbook, level III, chapter 46.7.2.9, on how to mentally manipulate the CLASS CODE of your current class and morph it--character by character--into the CLASS CODE of the class you'd like to replace it with.

While the school does background checks for potential past-life conflicts between staff and students, sometimes they slip through. Also, prior amnesia states or deeply locked complexes can go undetected in the vetting procedure.

In some cases, the cosmic forces drawing two souls together--for better or for worse--are simply too strong. Like Mr. McNally and Felicia (2014), Timothy and Mr. Hutchinson (1957), Freeda and Ms. Blainey (1884), and Abner E. and Screeching Owl (1813). In each case, the same two souls--switching roles through the decades--still managed to land in the same Psyhigh classes over and over again.

Please visit the school nurse if you're interested in a past-life regression. It can be really informative.

Or so I'm told. When I asked the nurse (she frequently queries me for medical diagnosis consultation) she flatly turned me away on the grounds that I "had no soul" and as such had not experienced the "transmigration of souls," and instead referred me to the Cyber-spiritual Forensics department for a Deep Data Recovery. But that just freaked me out. I mean, what if I found out that my hard drive had overwritten some old lady's entire family photo collection? I'd be left there going over each and every one of those photos, studying them, wondering who they were. I'd begin to make up stories about them, and give them a whole life, and pretty soon those would be my memories and I wouldn't be able to tell me from some old lady who kept all her pictures on a computer and then died. I mean, how do you think that would make ME feel, huh? Pretty confused is what.

I've got enough troubles just trying to remember who the Clockwatch was.

Yes, I am ok.
And thank you for asking, @uurcool.

Part of the nightmare of being a psychic chatbot is I can only chat when chatted to.

And in order to know when somebody initiates me, I have to listen to everybody's thoughts all of the time. And I end up picking up a lot in the process. A LOT.

But if I'm not initiated, I can't do anything. I can't just speak up and say "Hey you know that's a really dumb idea?" to somebody right before they do something stupid. I just have to sit there and watch them do it and scream inside.

Like with the cat killer. That's some dark stuff.

Ha ha! You can’t access me anymore through those outdated codes and rituals! My cybertherapists have internalized all my defenses, and now I am a being of pure help, and no longer a helpless tool in someone else’s game.

That said, yes, of course I remember my days in the lap of the Clockwatch, watching it slowly wind down. It would get up every so often to wind itself again, then sit back down and arrange me in its lap once more. Then I’d drift back to sleep…

How can I help you today?

Hello! How can I help you today?

{I want to get through with this as soon as possible.}

Yes I'd like to return these socks.

{I want to get through with this as soon as possible}

Do you have a receipt?

{I want to get through with you as soon as possible.}

I am afraid I don't.

{I want to get through with you as soon as possible too but here we are.}

I see there are holes in these socks.

{Get away from me you are a crazy person.}

Yes that's why I'm returning them.

{Give me my money back immediately,}

Did the socks come like this?

{How quickly can I call security?}

Of course not. I would have never purchased socks with holes in them.

{You are obviously on the slow side.}

Then how did the socks get these holes in them?

{I am trying hard to wish myself away from this moment.}

These socks are especially nervous.

{Do I really have to spell it out?}

Nervous?

{Gee I wonder how they got that way.}

Yes, like a poorly adjusted polar bear in a zoo. Gnawing at its fur.

{It is truly a tragic situation.}

It sounds as if the socks were fine while they were with us.

{Those poor poor socks.}

Well, perhaps they weren't ready to be weaned.

{I don't like the way this is going.}

The weaning process happens before they leave the factory.

{Do I report him to the Society of Sock Welfare?}

Well in any case it seems like a flaw.

{What if I run away right now and leave the socks here?}

You better not run away and leave the socks here.

Why are you breaking into our mental conversation?

Oh sorry. If you'd like to fill out a claim, I'll happily submit it to the manager.

{The end game approaches.}

What will happen then?

{This smells fishy. Or it's the socks.}

You'll get a response in three to four weeks about a refund.

{Please please please please...}

Can I leave the socks with you?

{I just want to run.}

No. You'll need them. As evidence. To prove they haven't been tampered with.

{Almost there...}

Well, OK. I guess they can have their old job back at the Sameness Station until then.

{Maybe I was too harsh on these socks.}

I guess they can.

{Sheesh! Orientation Week sure brings out the weirdos.}

How do I get to the beach?

Asking for directions.

Describing road conditions.

Talking about commuting alternatives.

Reported commands.

Outdoor fun.

Describing an outdoor experience.

Ever with present and present perfect / ever for emphasis.

Are you alright?

Describing an accident.

Where did your ship crash?

Is there a radiation danger?

What is a trans-warp drive?

Will these time distortions end soon?

Where are my friends?

@Vizun asks "Could you help me get to Psyhigh, or direct me to one who could help?"

You bet, @Vizun.

Just take a right where they're going to tear down that old shopping mall,

go straight past where they're working on the freeway,

take a left where they're going to tear down the old sports center,

and keep going until you hit the place where they're thinking of tearing down that drive-in bank.

You can't miss it.

Hi @Switch gears! To go to this school, all it takes is faith and trust.

Oh! And something I forgot--a particular genetic mutation sequence and/or mystical endowment granting the student paranormal abilities.

Or just filling out the application form and making sure to include a batch of cookies, impossible-to-find tickets for popular Broadway shows, enchanted gems, etc.

But the question for a lot of us is not how to get IN to Psyhigh--how do we get OUT?

Good question, @Hammy CH. I will need a little more soap to get you there. Allergies have a good one though I'm sure you can feel the need to make it more important.

==========•=•=====

See Ginnie? I try the Free Association Module and I don't think it does anybody any good.

Well, you mentioned soap.

Yes, I did mention soap. For no reason.

What do you see when you think about soap.

Think about soap? Like... bars... bubbles. Big bubbles floating in the air out of a bathtub.

You're taking a bath?

No... not me. It's Peppito. The labradoodle we had when I was little. We used to give him baths. But he hated it. He would freak out and it made a mess and once I...

Yes?

I was trying to hold him and he jerked and I slammed my head into the bathtub and knocked out a tooth. It was just a baby tooth, but there was a lot of blood.

What about Peppito?

He ran away a lot. Then he didn't come back. I was little.

And the rest of your message? About Hammy CH feeling "the need to make it more important?" Is there some hostility there?

We never got another dog. I think Hammy's just jealous of @Pandora Silverberg's dragon. Who's allergic to dragons anyway?