Have you seen the new billboard on the side of the road that leads up to school? It's got a big picture of an old guy's face on it. He's got a big smile and sunglasses and it says:

Todd rented your body for his 40th birthday party.
Todd rented your brain for his 40th birthday party.
He rented a ride with his 40th body.

Give it up today! #graybodies

Has anybody done this? I'm only making minimum psychic wage with the grounds crew and could use to pick up a few more bucks.

So I checked out their website:

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Possessing a body has never been easier!

Convenient hourly and daily rentals.

Insurance included.

Hassle free!
Signup for free with no monthly or annual fees. No more lines or paperwork.

Unlimited choice:
Thousands of bodies to choose from. Rent hourly or daily.

Insurance included:
All body rentals include insurance and 24/7 operator assistance.

How it works:
Search for bodies nearby.

Enter personal sigils & credit card.

Book & unlock with your target body today!

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And there’s a pop up:

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Start earning extra income today!

97% of all teens only use 75% of their bodies, and 69% of their brains. Put that overcapacity to work for you and earn extra $ for, uh, teen things! Like bubble tea! And candy!

SIGN UP HERE TODAY!

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So I filled out the form. Now to go stab more garbage around campus.

So the Graybodies procedure is like this: I got a notification that somebody wanted a “ride.” That’s their shorthand for a rental appointment. It was for right after I got off work (you put your hours of availability into your bio) and you’re supposed to find a public place, like a park bench. I didn’t have time for a shower or anything, but I took off my orange vest and put it in my cubby and went to the restroom and splashed my face and rinsed my mouth out.

So anyway I found a bench near the gardens at school, sat down, and pulled out the app. It was late afternoon and it looked like it was going to be a pretty sunset.

ACCEPT RIDE?
YES / NO

I touched YES and a weird design appeared on the screen. It was complicated pattern, like tiles, and it looked like there should be a pattern but the more you looked at it you realized there wasn’t a pattern, that it was just random, but maybe no there was a pattern. It was confusing.

I looked up and it was dark. I checked the time and it was 10 o’clock. Did my ride not show?

I checked the app.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR RIDE

FARE: $125
SERVICE FEE: $18.75
SUBTOTAL: $106.25
TIP: $10
YOUR TOTAL: $116.25

$116.25 HAS BEEN DEPOSITED TO YOUR ACCOUNT

HAVE A NICE DAY

Uh, wut?

I realized I felt queasy. Like I ate too much. And my fingers were greasy and crumby... like I had been scooping up handfuls of onion rings?

And there was milkshake on my shirt.

Vanilla.

I've been making money on Graybodies almost every night. I go to the bench near the gardens, pull out the app, click on YES and bam! That's it, I'm done. About 5 hours go by but to me it's like no time has passed at all... except that I'm so stuffed I can hardly move, and I've usually got greasy stains all over my hands and shirt, and usually some ketchup and ice cream too. The past couple of days I've ended up with a bunch of receipts stuffed in my pockets--receipts from Walmart and BestBuy, for stuff like Instapots and bread machines and fondue makers and rotisseries. And expensive stuff like 72" plasma screens. I have no idea what's going on, but they keep tipping me.

Meanwhile, during the days, the garbage just keeps piling up. Where does it all come from? Do people just drive by on the road and dump their fast food garbage out their windows? Styrofoam and plastic wrap and boxes too. I put on my orange vest and fill bags and bags with it to go to the landfill and come back the next day and start all over again. The Adopt-a-Highway sign that says "Sponsored by Psychic High School" probably doesn't help because people think we just clean it up. Which I do.

Two new options showed up in my Graybodies app. Splurge Pricing and Binge. You can take advantage of them if you go hang out at the strip mall. You find a bench near a trash can and hit ACCEPT RIDE and it's like speed dating... except of course you can't remember anything. Well, for a minute you're kind of conscious between rides, so I remember a flash of being in front of the Target, and outside the Olive Garden, and then Taco Bell like six times. I've got to remember to wear loser fitting clothes.

It's been harder to keep up with all the garbage, and not just because I've put on so much weight after starting with Graybodies™. There is definitely more garbage than when I started, because I count the bags. During my first week I'd fill up one bag a day, and now it's easily three or four. Mostly fast food wrappers, but also boxes and styrofoam from Best Buy and Target. I keep finding piles of them in the woods. People must be dumping them at night.

Ok and get this--those receipts my Graybodies™ rides have been stuffing my pockets with? Turns out they've been using MY debit card!! That is absolutely NOT part of the deal. Er, well, I'm assuming it's not, but it's not like I actually read all the fine print. There's a customer service number in the app--I'm giving them a call right now.