PEST REMOVAL UPDATE from Panther & Bear Psychic Pest Removal Service.

Well we've been concentrating our psychic pest removal efforts on the Rickety Bridge, southeast of campus, over Little Huber Creek, near the woods. Did you know you have a rat problem down there? That place is crawling with rats. Rats and raccoons, and raccoons eating the berries off the invasive Poke Weed and leaving scat everywhere. Also, Giant African Snails, Burmese Pythons, English Ivy, and South American Water Opossum.

But none of that concerns us. We're just here for the psychic pests. And we have determined that you may have an Ahuizotl problem. Nobody's spotted it yet, but we've witnessed the signs--the little hand prints in the mud, the strange wailing cry. At first Betancourt found an Axolotl nest, and I let him know he was just mixing up his words. But then he went missing. The next day we found his body floating in the creek, missing eyes, teeth, fingernails and toenails. Then we lost Mendoza the same way. Followed by McDavitt.

If you're one of the kids who's been throwing their fingernail clippings into the creek, we ask that you cease and desist immediately. That's just an old superstition and there's no truth to it at all. In the meantime, the Rickety Bridge is officially closed while we close in on the predator.

As for the @Bimpliboo issue, @Klarya, we have not yet found an effective repellent. Dr. Akron had been busy working on a solution in the research trailer until we were presented with a patent infringement lawsuit by @GROTTO G.S.M. INC. on behalf of the Bimpliboos and had to curtail our experiments. We did discover that chopping them up just makes them into a bunch of little Bimpliboos. So don't do that.

Sincerely,

Jimbo Hawkins
Panther & Bear Psychic Pest Removal Service
"We take care of pesky pests!"

PEST REMOVAL UPDATE from Panther & Bear Psychic Pest Removal Service.

Well, shoot. This Ahuizotl has turned out to be a wily one. I was staking out the little critter in full psychic pest body armour, including Siren's Wail™ protective headphones and Jewels of the Gorgon™ protective eyewear, and using an inspection mirror on a ten-foot telescoping pole. Naturally I had Prescience Mantras running on three subconscious levels as well.

But none of that did me a bit a good when I walked right into the Kentucky Mantrap the little son of a gun had set up. I should have been suspicious when the delicious scent of fried chicken wafted out from under the Rickety Bridge. Naturally I found it irresistible, and didn't notice the tiny throw rug placed on the muddy bank. In retrospect, it did seem out of place.

I dropped about 10 feet and onto a curly metal slide, and after a good spin I landed in this tiny cell. I saw the varmint peeking through the trap door in the ceiling before it slammed the lid shut with the little hand on the end of its tail.

There's a cot and a tiny toilet here, and one electric bulb.

Dagnabitall! I've activated the homing beacon in the suit and expect Dr. Akron to free me at any moment. Luckily I've got a napkin and one of those little pencils from the putt putt golf, so can start working on Plan B immediately.

Sincerely,

Jimbo Hawkins
Panther & Bear Psychic Pest Removal Service
"We take care of pesky pests!"

Larry Moon, Skunk Detective, has had a tough fall. He wouldn't admit it, being a stubborn skunk, but you can tell about it because of his fur. It's been all rough and tumble. Even though he's a bachelor skunk you can still tell he's been "mixing it up" because his beard and ear hairs have been all cattywumpus. And the bruises. He says I shouldn't get involved but he gave me a report anyways. Would you like to read it here it is.

---------------------------------

From the desk of:
Larry Moon
Skunk Detective

Case #973010
Kung Fu Fighting

The Stimulus Committee, a criminal association of the most dangerous and insane creatures of the forest, got the woodland folk hooked on the toxic run off from the Science Labs at Psyhigh. Porcupines were floating, squirrels were glowing, and tree shews were tap dancing, all hopped up on the mytho-chemical moonshine coming from the labs. But then it stopped flowing, and the woodland folk needed more.

Two other criminal gangs were involved: the Shrimp Chimps, an international cartel of escaped zoo primates from southeast asia, and the Chloroform Kids, a local bunch of human drug freaks and yahoos. Between them, they got control of the runoff from the science labs, leaving the woodland folk dry and no longer high.

Captain Hoof, chief enforcer for the Stimulus Committee, has been ruling over the woodland folk and parceling out the committee's dwindling stash to keep the true believers in line, knocking down the rest with a firm back kick. I've gotten into more than one spat with him and his minions. His boss, the Corn Fairy, stays in the shadows.

Without more of the drug, the hold of the Stimulus Committee is eventually going to crumble. Which is why they set up an alliance of terror with the Chloroform Kids. Every night there's more roadkill, as the Chloroform Kids race down the forest roads in their hot rods, chasing down good woodland folk and enforcing order for the Stimulus Committee.

At the heart of it, there's something more than just addiction to toxic run off. What's at the core of all this evil? Through my research, I've discovered multiple locations in the woods where signals are broadcast that turn humans into mindless, hate-driven monsters. I tipped off a student (who will remain anonymous for their safety) to the source of the trouble. I can only hope she follows the clues. Because there's only so much a skunk can do, even in a second hand suit.

PEST REMOVAL UPDATE from Panther & Bear Psychic Pest Removal Service.

My cell is getting cramped! Dr. Akron's rescue mission did not got as intended, and it wasn't long before he tumbled through the trap door in the ceiling right on top of me. That smug little Ahuizotl looked in at us and grinned. Dr. Akron will not be receiving a bonus this quarter.

Turns out this little cell was really a cage. The walls dropped and revealed bars all around. There was the Ahuizotl, the first time I got a good look at it, standing on all fours with its smooth rubbery dog body, its oddly scrunched up human face, human hands where its paws should be, and its long tail snaking up, the human hand on the end of it grabbing big envelope stuffed full of money.

Handing the envelope to the vile creature was a chimp in a business suit. There were four of them there, chatting with each other in oooks and eeeps. Our cage was then lifted up by some kind of crane and placed on a tiny rail car. We headed down a tunnel, lit up with a string of bulbs. That's where I'm writing this from now.

At least Dr. Akron had the foresight to bring along more tiny pencils and a little pads of paper from the motels we've been staying at. Looks like it's time for plan C.

Sincerely,

Jimbo Hawkins
Panther & Bear Psychic Pest Removal Service
"We take care of pesky pests!"

My internship at G-LUV has gotten much more interesting... since I uncovered their network of soul-destroying transmission substations.

Sitting alone, day after day, in the soundproof, dust-free reception area of their otherwise unmanned and fully automated local office, I began to understand how to interpret some of the strange codes and symbols that appeared on the G-LUV dashboard screen. Longitude and latitude coordinates were easy to figure out, but the ARRRG (Automated Ratings, Reach, and Reaction Graph) was far more sinister than I originally suspected.

I'd been jotting down the geo-coordinates for weeks, and @Candi Wolfe and I have been taking weekend road trips in her self-possessed Volvo named Joyce to visit each one of them. The trips have been fun, taking us up into the hills and farmland all within a day's drive. Sometimes we pack lunches, and sometimes we find some creaky old hamburger stand out in the boonies.

It turns out the substations encircle the entire tri-city area in a regular tridecagon. That is, for those of you not paying attention in Arcane Geometry class, a 13-pointed star.

Well, it will be a 13 pointed star, once the last of the substations gets built. Currently there are just 12.

Candi's been doing the math (she pays even better attention in Arcane Geometry than I do) and the graphing, which ended up looking very much like the ARRRG map at work. Transposing those graphs onto a map of local news events, there is a direct correlation of gang reports involving the Chloroform Kids, Witchfinder GPS users, and other unexplained acts of violence at all the places where the connecting lines intersect.

And if you draw a line right through the center of the star? You guessed it--Psyhigh.

There's already an obvious symphony of violence and destruction directly related to the placement of these G-LUV substations. But what will happen when they build that 13th location? What will happen when the loop is closed? What is G-LUV really transmitting? Who is behind it?

I think I understand now why their office is unmanned.

Yes, I just transferred from Out of Town, and at my old school I was one tough hombre let me tell you. Where can I make the acquaintance of these “Chloroform Kidz” @Twister Givens? They seem like my kind of gents.

yeah boi they always looking for new recruits, @Jimmy Twomugs. meet me at the arcade at the pet co mall at midnight tonight and i'll hook u up!

I had a great time meeting up with the Chloroform Kidz. The president of the club, Herschel, held court in the back room at the arcade in the strip mall. He and the vice president and his cabinet all wore black cloaks and face masks attached to an air pump. It gave off a strong smell of chlorine.

"BROTHERS AND SISTERS, A PARTICLE WISHES TO BOND WITH US," they say together in their plastic masks.

"Solvent, Reagent, Anesthetic" says everybody else in the room.

"BRING THE PARTICLE FORWARD."

A couple of club members walk me to the president. I notice he has one of those masks in his hands. He puts it on my face.

I woke up next to the dumpster in back of the arcade. The Chloroform Kidz were revving their muscle cars and "pumping the bass."

"Hey c'mon Particle. Let's go commit crimes."

I almost didn't put it all together. There were so many moving parts, so many loose ends.... It just seemed like a bunch of unconnected bad stuff happening. The increasingly mutated wildlife on campus, the rise in gang activity, the student disappearances and the sinister G-LUV substations (not to mention their on-air programming - ugh!). With so many bad things going on you get numb and start accepting it all as business as usual. And grand unified conspiracy theories are for paranoid kooks, right?

Then I was accidentally cc'ed on an email. Part of my internship at G-LUV is answering the main email inbox. info@gluv. It means going through it and deleting spam and forwarding things on to the right departments. I don't even know who gets them, since there's never anybody here at their office.

But somebody included the info@ address on this response:

----
RE: RE: RE: FWD: Environmental Impact Study cA-Hxv

|>Psyhigh water sample cA-Hxv (LAB) at .99999% optimal. Plaque Crystallization Levels are peaked.
|>Transmission of terminal directive indicated.

look at that substrate! the signal's going to sail right through it. and the boys in the socio dept say we've likely reached full saturation of the population vector. we're ready to flip the switch as soon as tower #13 is operational.

ttfn!
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The WATER. Coming out of the Science Lab. @Marthew17's run off. First the animals drank it, then the Chloroform Kids got ahold of it. All the weird effects... and it's some kind of... conduit... for the G-LUV signal? For a "terminal directive?" That sounds plenty ominous. Terrific.

@Candi Wolfe and I have been keeping an eye on the construction site for Tower 13. It's on the edge of campus nearest the Science Lab. And it's almost finished.

Candi says she's got a plan.

I am afraid of that something "big" is going to "go down" in the woods about the strange effects around the science building. I am afraid of it because that is what Larry Moon, Skunk Detective, told me when I saw him in the alley by the dumpster. He has been doing lots of undercover work all winter long and I can tell it is taking a toll on that old skunk. "You are not a kit anymore you know!" is what I told him because I discovered that is what you call a young skunk. But Larry Moon, Skunk Detective, says he has no choice because he is about Justice. I just hope that old skunk doesn't get in over his head! And then he told me he's old enough to look after himself. He can be a salty skunk sometimes.