Sasquatch Snowball Dance

In the spirit of Valentine's Day, our Sasquatch neighbors have suggested a Snowball Dance to celebrate our diversity, connection, and love of dancing.

As the location of the Sasquatch Community Center remains necessarily secret, we'll be holding the dance on campus at Mesmer Hall this Saturday, beginning at 8pm. Music will be provided by the Skunk Apes--the world renown Sasquatch drumming circle. Slots are still available for opening bands. Contact @timberlina if you'd like to be involved.

See you this Saturday!

Sincerely,

Big Jim
Student Activities Coordinator
Class of '99

Sasquatch are extinct in future A1A31B. Climate change victims. Like the polar bears. The last of the polar bears was shot rummaging through dumpsters behind an Arby's in Tacoma. The sasquatch got into bigger things, like banks, before the last of them went down in the siege at the Reno Federal Reserve.

Which is why it's such an incredible honor to attend a dance with them! I can't believe they're really here, and they're not extinct, and it was all a bad dream. Because that's what I really really want it to be: just a bad dream. And all of us now have an opportunity to make my future not happen. I can tell you where the rocks are, but we've all got to pull in the same direction to steer clear, know what I mean?

So let's DANCE! See you Saturday!

Okay, I'm kind of (really) confused as to what all is happening, but I assume that Psychic High School is a special school for special kids with some awesome abilities. But I don't think I have any abilities. I'm so confused. WHAT IS GOING ON?!?!?!?

You should come to the Sasquatch Snowball Dance to meet everybody and get your bearings, @Veronica Eliseman. Dances here are great. Have you ever danced with a Sasquatch? I tried to go to prom with a very nice Sasquatch at my old school last year and can you believe they wouldn't allow it? I can't believe how backwards some places still are. I wanted to talk to the ACLU about a lawsuit but my parents thought it would be better if I just transferred to a progressive school like Psyhigh.

I have both of the Skunk Ape albums and they're amazing. And I heard that ODORBABY is opening. They are hellastatic. I was hoping that @Z Lons' band was going to play, but not sure if they returned from their quest yet. Or had time to practice.

But you should go to the dance!! I know enough of the Sasquatch language to introduce you to any of them if you like. I will totally be there.

I can't believe I missed the Sasquatch Snowball Dance. As soon as I heard about it I bought a bus ticket and started heading back to school. I've been in my Chiye-Tanka form in Prospect Park this whole time, and even though sales from my ice cream cart have kind of tanked for the season, people have been bringing me picnic baskets full of food. It's been a comfortable existence, and my furry coat has kept me warm through the coldest nights. And it's been pretty snowy lately.

But when I heard there was a chance to connect with my adopted people, I came as quickly as I could. Subway to Times Square, then a walk to the Port Authority. I've discovered that moving around in public during the day is much safer than at night. People are more likely to pull a gun when a 7 foot furry humanoid appears out of the shadows than when they can see you coming for a block. I took the seat right behind the driver and plugged in my headphones and settled in for the long drive.

As we got closer and closer to school, the mix of folks on the bus more and more familiar. A family of ghosts, a centaur (taking up the wheelchair spots), a girl with her hair on fire... It was a group of surly leprechauns arguing over the ticket price that ended up pushing us so far behind schedule that I missed the whole Sasquatch Snowball Dance, including the Skunk Apes, and ODORBABY. By the time I got to Mesmer Hall you could still catch their scent, but they were gone.

@timberlina, is it true you're in touch with them? I'd really like to meet them, and since I seem to be a full time Chiye-Tanka these days, I think that they'd accept me? Can you hook me up?

The Sasquatch are more elusive than ever, @Louis C., what with the forest crawling with Unified Reality Border Police.

It all started with the border. They kept moving that border back further and further into the woods till they took the Sasquatch Lands off the map entirely. Now they can officially say that the Sasquatch Lands "Do Not Exist," which means they're all illegal. Then they send the URBP agents into the woods at night to try and round them up.

Like there's any way the Sasquatch could be taken by surprise by those URBP agents with their flashlights, tripping over their own nets. They alert the forest in a one hundred yard radius easily.

I have a Transversal Permit for the treehouse, so I'm safe at least. A group of agents did discover my pullrope and rang the bell and I rode the dumbwaiter down and had a talk, but without a warrant they weren't coming up.

Why don't you drop by sometime, @Louis C., and I'll show you around.

@timberlina sure is hospitable. Not only is she arranging for me to meet up with the Sasquatch, but she's letting me stay in her treehouse for the time being. I haven't spent time in close quarters with another human since I assumed my Chiye-Tanka form, and have been living under a bush in a park for most of that time, so I'm sure I was smelling a bit ripe. But @timberlina let me spend as much time as I wanted using up the hot water and shampoo in her gravity shower. She even convinced me it'd be ok to use her cedar hot tub, which I was nervous about because, you know... hair.

Getting connected to the Sasquatch is quite an endeavor though. They've always been hard to run across, but especially nowadays with the URBP and the immigration issue. There's drop boxes and secret whistles... I shouldn't even be talking about those. Suffice it to say there's a lot of security protocol that goes into meeting up with the Sasquatch, but it seems to be slowly coming to fruition. Can't wait to finally meet them!

U peple r so craze ballz. Sasquatch Dances? Do u seriosly think Sasquitch is real? psuchic my ass. If you were ud know that so called "Sasquatch" are members of the Daughters of Hirsutism! Calling them names like this is insulting an hurts their feelings.

So u psyich homophobs, youb een dancing w girlz!!!

Wathc yer hairy backs my friends!
the DOh coming for u

My journey to meet the Sasquatch has truly begun. This morning I received a map, sketched out in coal on the back of a receipt from a 7-11, which was hidden under a log near @timberlina's treehouse. After a hearty breakfast of her home-cured bacon, buckwheat flapjacks, homemade maple syrup, and her own roasted coffee, I began to follow the path to my destiny.

Special markers were left for me in the forest--empty plastic bottles of pop, candy bar wrappers, a very dirty pair of jeans and an old tire were just some of the secret markers. Finally, I came to an encampment hidden off the trail in a copse of trees.

"Ahoy Sasquatch!" I called.

But these were not the people of the forest. Well, not "the" people of the forest, but their guardians. They raised their fists and baseball bats and urged me onward on my journey. I thanked them and continued on deeper into the forest, until it became too dark even for my Chiye-Tanka night vision to find their markers. So, I take my rest under a tree near the railroad tracks, and look forward to another day.

"RIBBIT"

I never would have guessed the woods were so deep. Between the subdivisions and the industrial stuff and the railroad tracks and the roads you'd figure it would just be islands of forest all cut off, but somehow I've walked for days, farther and farther into the wilds. I don't think I've even heard or seen a jet lately.

"RIBBIT RIBBIT RIBBIT"

My Chiye-Tanka form sure has its advantages. My extreme body hair keeps me warm, and seems to emit oils that keep the dirt and mud from building up. Plus I've got a natural instinct for what kind of food I can forage, and sometimes I see signs that the leaves and fungi and berries have been grazed by others like me. Is it the Sasquatch? Otherwise, I find no trace of them in the woods.

"RIBBIT RIBBIT RIBBIT RIBBIT RIBBIT"

Definitely, the frog sounds are getting louder. I don't remember hearing them at all back nearer the school, or at @timerlina's place. But each night they've been getting louder. I've been wondering how I'd even fall asleep lately, because they're REALLY loud, but they're also random, and the brain quickly gets kind of hypnotized I guess and falling asleep has been no problem. Some of the best sleeps I've had lately, actually.

"RIBBIT RIBBIT RIBBIT RIBBIT RIBBIT RIBBIT RIBBIT"

"SEE LOUIS SEE LOUIS SEE LOUIS SEE!"