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Galaxy-Wide Personnel Tracker Using the World Trees
F. F. Brinkerhoff, Archmage
Ministry of Magic and Applied Phenomenology
Bonn, Germany

INTRODUCTION

This paper contains research done on the [redacted].

To track our members, the Ministry [redacted].

To find a genuinely normal human anywhere within the galaxy, you will need a sample of their DNA and a sap of Yggdrasil (aka Iggy Drop).

Place the sample and the sap within an alchemy symbol, apply a small amount of mana, and wait for five minutes. It is advisable to do this in a closed clean environment, preferably in vacuum sealed vaults as the process might accelerate one's aging.

After five minutes, the sap will surround the DNA sample and the alchemy symbol will yield a receiver stone.

One must place the receiver stone in a modified beacon connected to the World Tree. Elves from USE can connect Psychic High School's Cell Tower to the World Tree if you want to try this. The World Tree would serve as transmitter to the other World Trees to ask their help in locating the personnel. The World Trees will attempt to triangulate the location. Once done, the locating World Trees will beam back a signal to the origin World Tree. The location signal can be read using a modified spectrometer.
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Speaking of leaks, @uva vulpis, my dog LOVES the World Tree. He makes a bee line for it every time we're out, and then just sniffs and sniffs for as long as you'll let him. Somebody told me it's like email for dogs--their noses are so super sensitive they can read deep deep data from anything they smell. So you can imagine all the info to be gleaned from a World Tree like @jarvis describes.

Also though, maybe my dog just shouldn't drink so much coffee.

Hello there! I'm Jarvis from Timeline 5. I'm the only one available at the moment to respond to your question.

@uva_vulpis: This is not 'WikiLeaks' per se. I would not dare post classified documents unless I want the magic world equivalent of the Gestapo breathing down my neck. Security is tight.

@Crispy_Genie: I wonder if dogs can really understand anything from sniffing the World Tree. Binkerhoff states in his paper, I think on page 21, about the impossibility of detecting signals to and from the Trees using conventional methods of transmission. Note that the British have just begun research on RADAR. We don't know how Binkerhoff did his research since the Binkerhoff document has been heavily censored. However, we know that his attempt on intercepting information from the tree was successful because of a journal entry by one of our founders. Binkerhoff, a German mage, sneaked into Psychic High School using a route rarely patrolled by the Allied forces to meet with the elven delegation and the human mages. He then performed the experiment in front of them and it works as stated in the above document. If your dog can do it as you say, that would be great. That would mean that there are other ways to intercept World Trees.

I don't have an ordinary dog, @jarvis. My dog has smelled things you people wouldn't believe. Peanut butter and bacon on fire off the shoulder of Orion. He's smelled T-bones sizzling lightyears away at the Tannhäuser Gate. He can tell what a raccoon's had for lunch from its scat at 500 yards.

If any other kind of dog, lightning beast, hell-hound, or goldendoodle has peed on any of the World Trees in the network and there's something seeping through, my dog will know it. I just wish he wouldn't smoke so much, because it could be affecting his sense of smell.

It's the season when things get a little chillier up in my treehouse. It's time to batten down my windows, start a little fire in my wood stove, brew up cup of pine needle tea and look through my box of memories.

Things I looked at last night include:

1) My first merit badge from Woodscouts (tree etiquette).
2) The Golden Suspenders I won for first place in Treetopping back in Timbertot School.
3) My miniature pine cone collection.
4) A receipt for a ticket to an amusement park ride at the 1931 International Oblique Forestry Faire. The ride is called the "Iggy Drop," and the receipt is signed by an "F. Blinkerhoff."

My grandma collected memorabilia from all the International Oblique Forestry Faires. There's also an old tinted picture postcard of the "Iggy Drop." It looks like a massive ash tree. Apparently customers would enter the tree through a hollow in the roots, then ascend up a large circular staircase concealed inside. Once at the top, riders who tied ropes around their waists and dove off the limbs (from a great height) were promised "the surprise of a lifetime."

I thought this might be of interest to you, @jarvis.

I used the World Trees to complete my project in Mundane Studies class in which I was required to map the psychic interactions a certain "normal" person, specifically Mae Louise Cunningham, has unknowingly experienced in her life. The system was surprisingly easy to use, but I unfortunately dropped Mae Louise's receiver stone before I could complete the transaction. It shattered on impact and released a green, shimmering gaseous substance that swirled around the room and made an eerie whistling sound. Before it completely dispersed, I inhaled a portion of the gas and have felt strange and detached ever since the incident.

Normally I wouldn't be concerned, but on occasion it feels like I have no control over my actions, leaving me powerless for moments at a time. Although having visions is nothing new for me, the ones I have been experiencing lately are completely different and seem to carry to meaning; they seem more like foreign memories rather than prophecies or simple hallucinations. Is this just a phase in the development of my psychic ability, or something more?

Let me just dig up something...let's see...

Here: a copy of the 1931 International Oblique Forestry Faire brochure. It says that there is indeed a ride called the 'Iggy Drop' and the description says it can give a "surprise of a lifetime." I'm not sure if Mr. Blinkerhoff is the archmage or the archmage's father. The ride and its environs were actually made with gigantic trees called redwood. World Trees, specifically the Yggdrasil (origin of the name "Iggy Drop") and its saplings, are guarded by the United Society of Elvenkind. We are all forbidden to tamper with the tree, which is why Blinkerhoff conducted his experiment while being watched by senior elf mages.

The Faire also include scrying booths, lucid massage parlors, rent-a-body, and other magical and scientific endeavors sanctioned by the Earth Magic Federation, Intergalactic Paranormal Affairs Agency, and the Interdimensional Link Agreement.

@Briar Rose, please get well soon. We saw you being carried into the building by two elves. Mrs. Vavavoom from the medical team said you have inhaled some gas while working on some experiment.

As always, please read all the relevant Material Safety Datasheets before performing any experiment. Remember to handle any sensitive gems with a gem cushion or pedestal.

What is this?

It looks like you've found my commemorative pin from the 1937 International Oblique Forestry Fair, @kkennedy9311. It's got a small green gem at the center of it. I found it when I was little and it's been with me ever since, not only because it looks cool but because it's a kind of psychic compass. But lately it's been malfunctioning. All I get out of it is "GHOST SERVER NOT RESPONDING" and "CONTACT @GROTTO G.S.M. INC.".

I thought about showing it to @jarvis or @timberlina because I heard they're into antiques, but when I heard that another one had blown up and gassed Student of the Month @Briar Rose, I thought maybe it was better not to get mixed up in it.

So whatever you do, @kkennedy9311, don't jiggle it and whatever you do don't drop it. Could you pack it in a small jewel box with lots of cotton and then wrap it in bubble wrap and put it inside a pillowcase full of feathers, then clear the yard from your dorm all the way to the Spoon Bender student coffee shop and OM MY GOD WATCH OUT FOR THE CRACKS IN THE PATH and then you can give it back to me?

My dog left for Germany this morning at 10am. Special training. He loves sausages, so I assume it's some kind of junket. He'll be up all hours sniffing European smells and eating Katze Kot I'm sure.

How important is this German connection, @jarvis? Surely someone has been working on this technology since Bittenhöf?