Dearest chums,

Cor, blimey! My trip to visit me mum turned out to be quite epic! After tracking down Groundskeeper Tom to open up the boat house, I gassed up Old Betsy, hand-started her prop, and soon enough me and my trusty seaplane were in the skies! Tally-ho!

The weather was a bit rough, and more than once I spilled a cup of brown joy upon my trousers. Lightning, hurricanes, water spouts, the whole kidney pie. Luckily I had a full supply of sturdy, American-made air sickness bags.

Upon arriving on the lake at our family estate - Carter Hall - I could tell things were in full swing, what with the pitch-black cyclone, more lightning bolts, and that wretched high-pitch wail you get when the dimensions are torn asunder. Just another weekend at Carter Hall, wot?

Our trusty servants were gathered round the door to mum's bedroom. They're quite devoted to me mum, bless their hearts. Apparently it's got something to do with the old pagan superstitions they've kept alive in the village. But they've been very attentive to her needs for years and years, and it's allowed my siblings and I to leave the nest and see the world.

Except for these occasional spells of hers. For that, only the blood of her offspring will do to keep her in check - quite literally! Not for the squeamish, this next bit, but the villagers have got it all worked out, and dug little trails in the floor of her bedroom. It's a like a minature maze - the intricate work is quite extraordinary, really. As soon as one of my siblings or I appear, the head butler is ready with the ritual blade and he quite deftly draws the line across my palm and just a little trickle into the reservoir at the head of the labyrinth is enough to get the whole contraption in motion.

Soon enough, me mum was back to her old self. Well, not her true "Old Self" but the mum we're used to - proper number of limbs, skin no longer the color of the infinite depths of space, no more dripping maw of dislocated jaw and rows and rows of needle sharp teeth. Just plain old mum.

And what better Mother's Day present could a son deliver? Well, our Mother's Day happens a few days before yours, but she considered it her gift from the colonies.

Be heading back to school in two shakes of a sausage. Can't wait to catch up with you all soon!

Cheerio!

Tally-ho! And wot?! Old chums!

Say, have any of you seen the groundskeeper about? Because I really must get my seaplane out of the boathouse and rush off to visit me mum, as she's having a bout of one of her spells, wot with the talking backwards and the spinning head and the fiery spew, and, dash it all, I seem to be the nearest offspring that's able to read the scrolls...

So if you see that Old Groundskeeper Tom character about, I simply must have the key to unlock the hangar doors and take my seaplane out to visit my dearest mum. Please be a sport and let him know, won't you?

Tally-ho!