Good afternoon my beautiful people!

Welcome back to another wonderful post by Mattie of the famous "Matching by Mattie" organization. Our motto is: Love will find a way... especially when we're forcing it to!" Remember to stop by classroom 375 any time between 3:30 - 5:30 pm for expert love advice, subliminal messaging, Whisperfly-brand manipulation, and probably some unsolicited advice!

Well, look at the date everybody. We're pretty deep into summer, aren't we? Oh, I just can't get enough of the sun, fun, and cheesy summer romance movies! Unfortunately, life gets a bit stale if you don't try something new once in a while. And while match-making has kept me on my toes, I starting to get, like, a little bored. So, I'm picking up a new hobby... costumer growing! I read this cute little article by our dean, Dean Hammer, and it is so totally, like, amazing. Here's the link if any of my curious, curious readers would like to investigate the topic themselves: https://medium.com/@psyhigh/the-key-to-creating-lifelong-clients-grow-them-yourself-af7bedf737cf

Personally, I'll be using the Calabashâ„¢ Pocket Universe for my creations. Start small and work you're way up, that's the best strategy for these things. If you're interested in joining me, come meet under the freaky-looking willow tree in the courtyard (don't give me that look, you know the one!) at around 2 every Tuesday/Thursday. It'll be sooooooo much fun you guys! OMG, I can't wait to get, like, started! Just imagine, an entire little universe run by my golden heart and iron fist.... *smothers evil laugh*

With love,

-Mattie

Wow oh wow oh wow!

There's certainly a lot going on today, isn't there? And to think, I said things were slow at Psyhigh over the summer.... I guess life is nothing without drama! Well, @*Atlantica*, thank you so much for the invitation, but I think I'll let you all have, like, a special moment alone for this monumental occasion. I mean, it wouldn't be fair to poor Jessica if I waltzed in and stole her spot light! *sigh* I'm just too fabulous for this world.

I just wanted to quickly thank all of the glorious, gorgeous, and generous guys and gals who have purchased a copy of "Mattie's Complete-ish Collection Of Totally Vital LOVE TIPS That Will Make You As Close To A Love Expert As You'll Ever Get (Vol. 1)". The turn-out for the sale has been phenomenal! I'm a bit disturbed that most of the buyers are referring to it as a "joke book". This isn't a funny little satire book people! These LOVE TIPS are serious matters! Like, seriously! OMG, I'm so unappreciated in my time... but still, money is money. So keep on buying these books my wonderful fans! They're honestly selling like hot cakes, and are possibly the latest fad on Psyhigh grounds! We only have 45 copies left, buy them while it's still cool to own one!

Oh, and I'd like to ask my readers a very important question. Do you like cliff hangers? I know I don't. But all forms of media seem to love them! Like, that's totally, like, rude! I want to know NOW, not next week! Tots uncool! Seriously though guys, what do you think? I know SOME PEOPLE enjoy cliff hangers *glares at a certain ghost boy* but I personally would like to know things IMMEDIATELY. *glares more* (Hey, Nobody, do you think that was subtle enough? I think it was.... wait! Stop disappearing! I want to talk with you more about makeove-- darn. I hate that psychic power sometimes....)

With love,

-Mattie

*picks glass shards out of glamorous hair* So YOU caused that @Pacifica! OMG. Talk about ru-dah! >:(

@Morris, while SOMEBODY made it so that I couldn't talk to you in person, I did manage to drop off a book outside your dorm. When my fans ask for help, I provide help! That's what we do at "Matching by Mattie" folks. It's not free help, but it's quality help! (speaking of which, you owe me about 25$ at this point Morris) Outside your door Morris is a copy of the book I'm in the process of making. It's called "Mattie's Complete-ish Collection Of Totally Vital LOVE TIPS That Will Make You As Close To A Love Expert As You'll Ever Get (Vol. 1)". I may change the title later. I think it isn't descriptive enough. However, it does have tons of LOVE TIPS in it, from LOVE TIP #1 (Socks with sandals will get you zero dates.) to LOVE TIP #103 (Never go to a romantic movie with your date. It'll just make you realize how lame and unromantic your boyfriend is compared to Tom Hanks.) I have lots and lots of other tips... but I've decided to split them into separate volumes. Stop by "Matching by Mattie" headquarters and purchase the official rough draft of Volume 1 today, at 30$ each! It's a real steal, so peel down here and seal the deal!

Before I sign off and make a visit to Reynaldo, my hair stylist, I'm going to answer another question from my many many clueless fans. Here we go:

Q: Hi Mattie. Every time this cute guy I like posted something on Tweeter, Headbooks, or QuickGram I gave it a thumbs up immediately. Well, now he up and unfriended me from all his profiles! What did I do wrong? Was I too stalker-ish, or was commenting on every picture he posted #NiceHair #FutureBoyfriend #SWAG too much?
C. Flynn, Junior, Wisp Creator

A: Miss Flynn, you need to look yourself in the mirror and ask yourself, "Why am I acting so, like, totally CRAZY?" Why are you stalking this boy on social media, when you can stalk him in real life??? Follow him in the halls, not on Tweeter! Photo bomb all of his QuickGram photos, even if he's taking pictures of food! And whenever you see him, start yelling, "#NICEHAIR! #FUTUREBOYFRIEND! #SWAG!" Everybody knows the first step in a relationship is face-to-face freak outs, not online freak-outs! ... Wait... maybe that was the LAST step in a relationship... hmm....

With love,

-Mattie

Guess who's back! :D Huh? What? ... Well, yeah, @*Atlantica* and @Pacifica are back... Yeah, I get it. Woohoo. They've returned. Whoop-dee-doo. But I'm back too! Doesn't anybody care about ME?

*cricket noises*

Whatever. You all know you love me.

Seriously though, good to see my fav twins back on the grounds. Atlantica honey, we NEED to grab coffee sometime. You are the life of the party girl! And @Morris... ooooh dear. Your soap opera never stops does it sweetie? Remember, my working hours are 3:30 - 5:30. Just in case you need help from a love expert! Don't forget the classic tales of Sleeping Beauty and Snow White... ;)

Now, upon returning from my hometown and being officially banned from my favorite mall (sad face) I found a ton of questions asking me what the "Matching by Mattie" mascot, the Whisperfly, even is. Well I'm here to clue you all in! A Whisperfly is only the coolest bug ever! It looks kind of like a... large butterfly... made entirely out of... mist and daydreams. Yeah, that sounds right! And, it's usually a faint silver color, so it totally goes with almost all of my outfits. LOVE TIP #14: The perfect pet is always the perfect accessory! Not to mention, it has the ability to alter people's minds. You know that feeling when you meet someone new, and you like, totally hate them for no good reason? That's usually caused by a "Spiteful Whisperfly". The kind I have though is a "Charmed Whisperfly". It can make anybody form a crush on anybody quicker than Cupid's arrows! (Trust me, I've tried using those things. They are soooooooo lame) I'm still working on training it -- this is a stubborn little thing, harder to find than @Nobody -- but once I have it under my control NO ONE WILL BE SAFE FROM LOVE! MWHAHAHAHAHAHA!

...

Sorry about that. Mall jail has really changed me. lolz!

With love,

-Mattie

LOVE TIP #1001:

When you go to the mall, make sure you are the most fashionable thing in the entire building. Wear your trendiest clothes, sparkliest make-up, shiniest jewelry, and change your hairstyle until there is more hair product on your head than actual hair! People go to the mall to find the height of fashion and hopefully come a little closer to fad mastery (I myself am a black belt in Fad-Fu). If you manage to be the most cutting-edge person in the vicinity, everyone will naturally gravitate toward you. And some of those mindless fashion followers will be totally gorgeous potential boyfriends/girlfriends! Being the most trendy will not be easy though. Of course there is the hassle of pre-mall preparation, but you also have to take out the competition. Every person has their own sabotage methods, so, like, be sure to experiment which works best for you. The two favorite sabotage styles of the "Matching by Mattie" crew are "accidently" spilling black nail polish on the competition's clothes and/or using small scissors to cut off pieces of the competition's shirt and hair when their back is turned. Love isn't easy friends, don't be so surprised when it becomes a battle field!
*Battlefield by Jordin Sparks starts playing in backround*

WARNING: Some sabotage methods my be noticed by other shoppers or mall cops, especially if the targeted competition is a clothes mannequin. Be cautious in your attacks and please refrain from setting mannequins on fire, as this can lead to me -- er, I mean you, my lovely fans -- getting put in Mall Jail for several hours. Yes, Mall Jail is real. And no, they won't accept cherry flavored lip balm and free relationship advice as payment for your bail.

With love,

-Mattie

Whazz up my "home boys"?

Impressed my "bros" and "brush"? I have been working on my "street slang". It's coming along quite nicely actually, and further proves that "Matching by Mattie" appeals to ALL people, no matter your gender, societal views, dialect, dimension, or favorite ice cream flavor! I know five different languages -- six, including "street slang" -- so don't be shy if you have trouble communicating in the native tongue of Psyhigh. Because at "Matching by Mattie", we speak a universal language. The language of love!!! <3 <3 <3

Now, my friends, you've probably noticed that summers are a little... quieter at school. Most students head back home to visit family, disappear under mysterious circumstances, or go out to pick up pizza and never come back leaving you to assume they died until you discover that they ran away to the Himalayas to get away from you. (I still haven't forgiven you Mark! You jerk!) But never fear lovers of love, even on the slow days at Psyhigh there are plenty of fish in the sea. And with some Love Tips and a good squirt of perfume, you'll be ready to reel all those fishies in.

LOVE TIP #99999999999999904:

During the summer, try to get a nice tan. There's nothing more attractive than suddenly getting a slightly darker skin tone! But more importantly, make sure you get that tan in public places. Lay down in the sun at the pool, on your front lawn, outside the grocery store while your mother gets more apples and bread, next to your little sister's soccer game, pretty much anywhere people are. Usually within five minutes, somebody will saunter over and ask what the heck you're doing. With any luck, that somebody will have a hot body! *giggles* Of course there's the risk of an ugly somebody bugging you, like for example a police man, but a true love crusader won't let a 50$ fine stop them. Nothing can stop love! Except the Himalayas!

That's it for today my beautiful beneficiaries. Just so you all know, I need to restock on hot pink nail polish and sparkly blue eye shadow. To get the correct shade of both, I need go back home and visit our local mall. So "Matching by Mattie" will be closed tomorrow. I'm sorry! I know you'll all just be, like, totally DYING without your amazing Love Expert here to guide you, but you'll just have to suffer through. Hey, maybe you can write me some fan mail while you're pining for me! I just love fan mail! Absolutely love it!

...I LOVE FAN MAIL...

With love,

-Mattie

(P.S., I know I shouldn't butt my nose into other people's business... but that's never stopped me before! I know @Morris has left school for a while, so who's making sure @Scilph is eating? Seriously, this is totally bugging me out guys. Should we drop off some Starbucks, sprinkles, melted chocolate, and the like? Let me know loyal readers....)

Howdy everybody! *giggles*

It's your favorite match-making specialist Mattie again! Oh, I am SO tired from last night's Horse People Party Thingy. I danced with so many boys, my feet are all sore. :( For most of the night though, I had set up a quiet, mostly un-advertised booth on the festival grounds and gave out love advice for 0.50$ a pop. Talk about a total success, I had all sorts of people -- both bipedal and hoofed -- stop by with heart pains we all know too well. And many went away much happier with their situations! Yay! Added bonus, during the times when traffic was slow I managed to manipulate a few cute (and adorably awkward) couples who were in my mental range into sharing a quiet kiss. So cute! It almost makes my stony heart melt! ...Almost. ;)

Of course there was that stampede when that one race horse beat the other race horses. The centaurs and students got all excited, and a bunch of them ran off towards town like psychos. I would have maybe joined them, but it seemed a bit too athletic for me. LOVE TIP #576: Avoid being sweaty at all costs. But that's kind of obvious, am I right? I mean, even jocks don't like smelly people hitting on them. Like, that's totally grody! Plus, I just had a pedicure that morning. I was NOT going to ruin it with a silly tromp through town over a horse race. So I headed back to the school and instead was FINALLY able to choose the new "Matches by Mattie" mascot. The winner is...

*drum rooooooollllllllllllllllllllllllllllll*

Trisha Martinson with her suggestion of a Whisperfly! *fanfare* @Trisha Martinson, I will drop off your prize of a hunk of delectable (and slightly melted) chocolate at your dorm room sometime tomorrow. Congrats! Maybe I can ask Nobody to help me. Hmmm. Anyways, the "Matching by Mattie" t-shirts have been updated to include our cute little Whisperfly, who I have yet to find a good name for. Visit my classroom/headquarters anytime to grab some of our "Matching by Mattie" merchandise, see our cute new pet, and maybe purchase some romance tips too! We'd just LOVE to see you. (see what I did there?)

With love,

-Mattie

When I say "HE", you say "LLO"!
HE! ....
HE! ....
HE! ....

Wasn't that fun?

To those of you who didn't participate: ugh, what a sour puss. Let loose and be a little goofy! "Matching by Mattie" is all about having fun (and, you know, love and stuff) but we won't get anywhere if our lovely readers aren't there to support us....

If you did participate, well aren't you a sweetheart? Thanks for the support! <3 Now go apologize to your roommate(s) for screaming "LLO" three times.

Speaking of roommate(s), the arrangement with my new (unwilling) partner-in-crime @Nobody is going fabulously! Well, mostly fabulously. Nobody wasn't that excited to take on the job of Aphrodite's Agent for some reason, so unfortunately that special offer is no longer available at "Matching by Mattie". Sorry everybody! I'd send some subliminal messages that would give Nobody some more confidence for the incognito missions, but seeing as I can never pin point where that invisible-ish child's head is amongst the fog of perfume, it's been almost impossible to mentally manipulate her. Ugh, I hate it when people won't succumb to my powers! ... Then again, it is nice to have somebody around that is completely... original. The fleeting conversations we have are actually really fun, because I never know what Nobody will say. If Nobody says anything that is. It's just that... I'm not subliminally feeding Nobody lines, so everything said is utterly unexpected! Hmm... I should get some fancy 500 calorie coffees with Nobody sometime and just... chat. It'll be, like, sooo weird not having an ulterior motive for once. Maybe I can convince Nobody to grab me a pretty pink sparkly from @Max Capaciti, without any manipulation at all. I keep hearing about these magic words "please" and "thank-you", but I've never actually USED them... how exciting! Speaking with this Nobody will be such a fun project -- er, friend. Yes, a friend! See Ava? I can make friends like a "normal person". I do it all the time. Hmph.

Now, I know all you classy and amazing people are just totally DYING to know who the winner of the "Matching by Mattie" mascot contest is. Well, you'll have to wait one more teeny weeny day. I know, I know, you are all like totally on the edge of your seats, but the anticipation is what makes this fun! So check in tomorrow for the reveal of "Matching by Mattie" teammate #3. And as a bonus, all subliminal-message-induced-breakups will be 25% off the entire day. 25%!!! Don't miss out my devoted and wonderful peers!

With love,

-Mattie

Hello, hello, hello! How are all those gorgeous peers of mine? Hopefully you're doing as wonderfully as I am!

Student of the Month has been, like, totally amazing. I've been in parades, signed autographs, worn a super sparkly tiara... it's just so much fun. So what if I hijacked those parades, forced my autographs on unsuspecting people, and wear a tiara every Thursday? For the month of June, my acts are justified. Why can't people appreciate my glorious-ness 24/7? Like seriously!

The Student of the Month title has also been great for business. Forlorn singletons are trooping through my door every hour it seems! I might just be hallucinating some of those people, but I refuse to back off on my perfume "air-pollution" any more than I already have. The school nurse can lecture me all she wants, I'm not changing that. My poor lonely customers need to feel like they've entered a magical land of love and manipulation, not just another unused classroom full of melting chocolate. And when you come to "Matching by Mattie" headquarters, I can assure you that it is an environment of professionalism and romance that reflects our goals for your love life! Feel free to pop in any time. Since I'm Student of the Month, nobody will gossip about you going to a match-making business/organization. I'll even give you a free autograph as a totally legit alibi! Remember, my summer hours are 2:00 pm - 5:30 pm every other day!

And please welcome to the "Matching by Mattie" team my neeeeewwwwww roommate, @Nobody! *cheesy applause sound effect plays* Nobody is a fashionable little thing with a penchant for disappearing and reappearing. And telekinesis. And cats! (the cat may be a problem... cats don't like me.) When you visit "Matching by Mattie", make sure you say hi to Nobody! Without consulting her at all or even meeting her, I've given Nobody the title of Aphrodite's Agent! She'll use her invisibility to stalk your crush and see if they like you, and for a small additional fee, alert you of any weird habits they have. Like collecting belly button lint or frequenting wig shops! (Ugh, that was a messy relationship. What did I ever see in Richard?)

That's all for today my pretties. If you see Ava in the halls, tell her that I, like, totally don't miss her and stuff. *blinks away a tear* Oh, and make sure you keep writing mascot suggestions! Soon I'll be picking a winner, so be sure to vote soon. We've had some interesting suggestions recently, from robo-bugs to sentient clouds. What strange Psyhigh creature will win? Personally, I'm on the edge of my fluffy pink office chair with anticipation.

With love,

-Mattie

LOVE TIP #78

Many young people's first crush is a close friend they have known for a long time. This is usually because these people are too uncreative or lazy to choose somebody more mysterious or exciting. But that's a Love Tip for another day! When trying to move from the Friend Zone to the Romance Zone, make sure you move as fast as possible. Don't give them time to think. In fact, don't even make a first move. Just start telling everybody that you guys are dating. Right now you're probably thinking "Ha ha ha, Mattie is just saying this because it's the exact OPPOSITE thing you should do!" Not so my friends, not so. You see, the biggest hurdle of Friend Zone - Romance Zone immigration is not the border police, but shyness! Both parties never make a move or broach the topic, leaving them at a romantic stalemate. How tragic! However, by telling people that you guys are already dating, you are forcing your special somebody to come stomping up to you and angrily demand why you are doing that. Topic is successively broached, and you will either be accepted or rejected within five minutes, guaranteed. No beating around the bush needed!

And you all doubted my methods. Don't you know I'm "Student of the Month" for a reason?

Now, there are special situations where this method won't work. In a case like of my special little ghosty friend Morris and his lovely Scilpheraloniastrophaquestborono, this method COULD work, but she's got a history of not fully understanding social conventions completely (Don't deny it Morris! You saw her first few posts!) and she may never confront our poor cute ghost boy. Before you make anymore brash moves in a situation like this, you need to remove all distractions so the socially-awkward girl/boy/other (hey, I don't judge) can focus on this new romantic social interaction fully. This means removing all loud rock music, annoying friends, cats, bright lights, pirate inavsions, homework, coma patients, food, garbage trucks, cats, and other common distracting things like cats from the area. 85% guarantee that this will produce a result. A positive result? IDK, maybe. You don't know until you try! And if you're like my adorable little friend Morris here, you've got 2 or 3 other girls as back up if you get rejected!

*roommate starts yelling at Mattie again in the backround*

Um, like, no! I am not publicly embarrassing Morris, and I'm sure positive I'm not a heartless, insensitive monster, Ava! My business/organization is based on hearts for goodness sakes.

*roommate yells more*

Oh, Fine! If you "can't stand to see me meddle" in other people's hopeless love lives anymore, then leave! Like, see if I care! GOSH!

*door slams*

...Um, hey... @Nobody? If you are still looking for a roommate... ah, it suddenly got super lonely in Dorm 89999....

With love,

-Mattie