Super psyched for the dance contest next Friday at the Halloween Ball.

I was trying to decide on my costume and spent hours trying on different ones at the Spirit Halloween Superstore out in the abandoned shopping mall. Headless Gopher, Buxom Cyclist, Werewolf Insurance Salesman, Horny Goat, Blood-speckled Mime, Tia Carrere... none of them were doing it for me. My friends got bored and left, but I was so obsessed I just couldn't stop.

"Bring me more!!!" I cried.

Eventually the clerks had to close up shop and just leave me here.

It's clear the store just doesn't have what I need. I don't want to be some fanciful comedy creature. I don't even want to be a monster.

I want to be you.

So I'll be waiting in the dressing room of the Spirit Halloween Superstore out in the abandoned shopping mall. I'm just going to camp here all night. I'm going to burrow into the walls. I'm going to eat lint and the crumbs from Cheetos bags in the breakroom. And when the doors open at 9am tomorrow and new customers start streaming in, I'll be sizing them up, looking for that perfect fit. Looking for the one who's just my size.