With Spring upon us, the yearlings in the earthworm corral are getting frisky.

So, in the interest of student safety, Worm Gardens will be closed for the month of April.

Thank you for your understanding.

------------------------

{photo of a tall fence near the woods}

Scenically located near the compost pile behind the gym, Worm Gardens is the experimental proving grounds for the Psychic 4-H Club's Worm Division.

Worm Division is known for breeding the plumpest, most intelligent, squirmiest giant earthworms in the tri-county area, having won blue ribbons in categories including Classical Dressage, Halter, Penning, Show Jumping, and Sidesaddle.

If you think Psychic 4-H is for you, contact your dorm's Psychic 4-H representative and they will take you through a series of tests and hypnotic regression therapy to see if you qualify. Why not do it today?

Campus grounds are in need of their sesquicentennial overhaul and maintenance. The Psyhigh Groundskeeping Dept. apologizes for any inconvenience this may cause to summer students’ daily routines and to the summer activities schedule.

During this routine maintenance, students and non-groundskeeping staff are required to remain inside the clearly marked habitrail tubes connecting school buildings. If you must travel outside the clearly marked habitrail tubes level IV protective clothing and mind-shield equipment must be worn at all times.

Thanks for your compliance!

The Psyhigh Groundskeeping Staff

In light of the outbreak of psychic graffiti on campus recently, the grounds team would like to say CUT IT OUT. We've been raking these leaves and scrubbing these undulating stone walls since before you kids were born, and due to the esoteric secrets of supernatural landscaping and maintenance, will likely be here long after your "tags" have lost any relevance to the subcultural dialogue of present-day juvenile delinquency.

Immediately we checked for Strange Patterns™, and determined that @Ekaterina S.'s exchange student friends were not to blame. So, after some additional investigation, we apprehended the perpetrators -- @Jacob Gryffon and "crew" -- who have been placed indefinite detention for what will feel like an eternity (but in fact only last for a few hours).

If you kids really want to make a statement with your art, why not try something lasting, like inventing a new political system, or creating massive pieces of land art that take decades to build? Quit picking on the poor defenseless Reality Warping classroom.

It would be real helpful if all students would update their School Rules & Policies manuals and read them carefully. If you do, you'll note under Section C, paragraph 4.3 (and the indicated table at Appendix 99quoff Bmaven), a list of areas of campus currently off limits, including VLO (very low orbital) Platforms like the decommissioned weather-control satellite Morozko 7, created to provide ambiance as part of the Very Victorian Christmas gala of 2016. It had since been mothballed, and off-limits to all Psyhigh students.

While we've all been enjoying the flakes, @hanna Song has not only been trespassing in an exclusion zone but she's also been trapped there for a few days. Many of you have been asking why we haven't rescued @hanna Song sooner, but this is why Morozko 7 is off-limits. Not only does the Psyhigh Facilities Dept. not have ladders high enough to reach it, even our hover-mowers could not hope to dock with it at their highest altitude.

This is because Morozko 7 is not an orbiting ship. It is, in fact, an exposed Crystal Energy Point (CEP) of the Wonderland of Snow Dimension, an icy universe under the control of Jack Frost himself! Thus, the Morozko 7 is not actually an orbital platform, but the exposed corner of an entirely different dimension. As such, it cannot be reached by helicopter, levitation, flying broom, or even @Tara Yau's Flying Bike Club! Holy cross-over potential!

Not only that, but because of the quantum-refractive nature of the CEP, shards of @hanna Song are being split off, like the colors of the rainbow, into additional reflections of herself. I speak of course of @hanna, who has unknowingly appeared as one of @hanna Song's reflections. We can only expect more of these as more of the sun's rays pass.

It is unclear how exactly @hanna Song was able to reach the Morozko 7 portal, but was evidently the combination of technical know-how and witchcraft, and at this point the Psyhigh Facilities Dept. has been unable to achieve the same result.

WHAT THIS MEANS is, while the Morozko 7 remains off-limits to students... uh... can any of you students help? The school will temporarily ease the sanctions of visiting this exclusion zone if student-led rescue missions commence.

It's our hope that @hanna Song stays put in the control room of the Morozko 7. Wandering into any of the doors and halls leading from the control room will lead her more deeply into the icy, maze-like caves of the Wonderland of Snow Dimension, in which she could be lost forever... or even lead her to the throne room of Jack Frost himself!

In the meantime, we'll get the snowblowers out.

There's a white giraffe pestering students in the sculpture garden.

Is this yours, @Meemo Skinks? If so, please retrieve it at once or we'll be forced to miniaturize it.

Thanks for your understanding.

There wasn’t much ruckus about the Compost Kids till their species affinities started kicking in. Babbity (a senior) had merged with the rusty patched bumble bee (Bombus affinis), and one summer the school became a destination for swarms of the endangered bee. It was great for the gardens and all the pollinating plants, but they eventually got deemed a nuisance (and there were students with severe bee allergies and phobias). That was the start of the trouble for the Compost Kids.

We know that Psyhigh students have a hard time obeying the signs we place in the garden, including KEEP OFF THE GRASS and NO SABBATS AFTER 11PM, but it is vitally important that all students obey the newest sign: DO NOT FEED THE ROSES BLOOD.

Though feeding the roses blood meal had been part of Groundskeeper Tom’s routine, the school has adopted a “Vegan Plants Only” policy following his disappearance.

While “cute,” the roses become more and more menacing when they become habituated to the taste of blood. The Women's Advertising Club of Psyhigh's Mystic Order of the Rose has been advised to discontinue this practice, and severe penalties will be enforced on anyone found violating this important new garden maintenance rule.

Of course I remember the Compost Kids—I was interviewed for weeks during the investigation, but I didnt know anything more about their disappearance than anyone else. At the time, students were free to use the equipment in the psychic lawn maintenance sheds, and in those days there was a much more freewheeling attitude towards experimentation. If you wanted to graft yourself with grasshopper or bee DNA, well, there weren’t any rules specifically against it. That all came later. But the Compost Kids were the first ones to really get into it, and took it the furthest. I just hope they got to where they were headed.

Watch your step! There's a big temporal sinkhole that's opened up in the courtyard. I've put yellow caution tape around it, but until its gets filled up by the time reconstruction crew it's going to be dangerous. Please stay well away from the edge of the hole until it's fixed up, everybody!

I've been patching up little time holes for weeks. If you find one, don't let it grow! Report them immediately to the Psychic Facilities Dept. and we'll put it on our list.

Have a safe weekend, everyone.

I'd steer clear of the mouse-people if I were you, @Lou. There was a student here a while back by the name of @Cathy Sherman who had size issues of her own, and now she's run off with them.

I usually don't get involved in student issues, but I have been meaning to address @Klarya's remarks concerning janitors. While many janitors may be reclusive and introspective by nature, I assure you we are not "shambling shades" or "hollow-eyed odd balls from mental hospitals." We are, in fact, the people who clean up after you, and maintain at least a semblance of "safety" for you here on campus by fixing things and keeping things clean. In fact, just today I found a large metal box in the boiler room with the words @GROTTO G.S.M. INC. printed on the side. It had some wires running into the phone system, but I unplugged it and threw it in the dumpster. Darn hackers.