Marv Elva here, former weatherman for Tri-city 9 News. I've been tracking sightings of the so called "Green Teen" for years -- a slim figure with an eerie green hue who pops up in connection with the sudden squalls and torrential downpours in the tri-city area.

Despite soggy shoe boxes full of eye-witness accounts, my colleagues in the newsroom called me mad. Eventually my obsession cost me my job. Ever since, I've been traveling the tri-cities in my camper, collecting data, and preparing to capture the Green Teen. It will be the greatest scientific discovery of this century.

Right now I'm parked out by the dumpsters behind the cafeteria, where I'm able to plug into the outlets and use your wi-fi. And I'm finally closing in on the Green Teen, utilizing an ingenious triangulation of the latest Storm Tracker technology, Witchfinder GPS, and a Green Teen Scanner.

This time there will be no escape for the Green Teen.