Ever since getting swallowed by that giant frog Big Molly, @dirtpicnic's been a little bit... different.

Big Molly sure did hop funny for awhile after swallowing my #1 frog-fightin' rodeo clown, but then she disappeared into the woods, and eventually @dirtpicnic came hoppin' out, just like nothing had ever happened.

Since then, @dirtpicnic's been spending their summer down by the reflecting pool, staring at the lilypads. Watching the gnats.

I figure it's best just to give a little space. Maybe it's all part of this ascension business.

And so it all came down to that one final face off, a grand tête-à-tête. Single handed combat. Person vs nature.

Big Molly and me. Eight seconds in the ring.

After hearing all the points of view in their Imperial Choir -- including @dirtpicnic's beautiful serenade -- the frogs were still divided, and the only way to solve it was one wild frog bucking ride.

If you were there in the grandstands, you know it didn't last long.

Just five seconds till I was bucked off. There was no taming Big Molly. And I accept my defeat fair and square.

As a result, I've agreed on behalf of the school that we will no longer attempt to train and break the giant frogs of lower campus, and will allow them free range status. We will share the grounds and the woods with the giant frogs, and learn to get along as equal stewards of this beautiful part of campus.

I will admit I am still a little miffed that -- prancing around the corral in her victory lap -- Big Molly went and swallowed up my trusty rodeo clown @dirtpicnic! That seemed a bit mean spirited. But it is was a noble sacrifice that will do doubt help ensure this hard won peace with our gigantic amphibian friends for some time to come.

Happy trails!

If folks are worried about getting trampled at the frog riding exhibition, the Psychic Groundskeeping Crew will have the arena reconstructed soon. And the grandstands will be significantly reinforced. We sure didn’t imagine frogs jumping like that, I’ll tell you. 

Big Molly was the main culprit. She’d been riling up the other frogs all week, with her inflammatory talk of the “lost empire” and the “jade age.” These giant garden frogs will believe anything they hear. And then croak about it all night!

We are supervising their re-indoctrination at this time. @dirtpicnic has learned their language pretty good, and has volunteered to take the new message to the frogs tonight, at their croaking frog council. There will be a singing of the stories, and @dirtpicnic will relate the tales of the trail and the sagebrush, the swamp and the pond, the bridle and the bit. 

We’ll get these froggies back in line in no time, just you wait!
 

I’ve spent a fair amount of time sizing up these slippery varmints, and I must say I’m intrigued about the possibility of riding a few.

Contrary to what you may have heard, Frog and Toad are not always friends. They generally prefer to keep out of each other’s business. And when you work closely with either them, it’s clear how different they are. 

For instance, while you can ride a toad without a saddle, the back of a frog is virtually friction free. So I will insist on a small saddle, a cinch, and a rein.

Honestly, I find that smooth frog skin a bit disconcerting. That and the way they look at you with them big bulgy eyes. The toads back home are good natured critters, and ain't so alien as these. I do miss the toads back home, croaking as the sun sets over the crick, nuzzling up against my arm with their big flat snouts, eating apples and sugar cubes right out of my hand.

Also, both for my own safety and that of the crowd, I'll need a frog-fightin' rodeo clown, so as to keep the slippery devil in check if he gets away from me. @dirtpicnic has kindly volunteered for that role, as they believe it may help them in their ascension.

So, giddy up all you amphibian rodeo fans! A few more nights of practice on the mechanical frog in the gym and we'll be having ourselves a real frog roundup on lower campus. And I hope to see you there!

People often stop and ask me about my spurs. And when I tell them they are Toad Spurs they say I oughta go down to the reflecting pool and take a bareback ride on one of them untamed giant frogs.

Don't you people know the difference between giant frogs and giant toads?! What kind of education does this school provide anyway?