I am pleased to report that my lawsuit against the school has been settled. The Doll Flu outbreak has been controlled and my daughter has fully recovered, along with the majority of the students who were affected. The large supply of creepy orphaned dolls discovered on campus has been gathered by the Active Psychic Student Association and distributed to local charity organizations. Life on campus has returned to normal.

Also, I have a wonderful announcement to make. As part of my settlement, I am now the exclusive distributor of an amazing new product: Mint's Mud Mask™! I couldn't help but notice the healthy glow my daughter's skin had after recovering from the flu in @Dr Krimsborg, DPM's treatment tub, so I took a small amount home with me in a jar and applied it to my face. The result was astounding! The years just washed away, and my skin feels purified and refreshed. As it gently dries on your face, it draws out excess oils, impurities and grime from your skin, and replaces it with a radiant magical essence. Just apply a thin layer with fingertips to clean skin, avoiding the eye area. Keep it on for up to 10 minutes, then remove with a damp face cloth. Use weekly or as needed.

Mint's Mud Mask™ is available directly through our YouTube channel, or though myself or my agent on campus, @Ginger Hope Mint. And if you're interested in hosting a Mint's Mud Mask™ party, get in touch! We'd love to introduce you to this exciting new product.

@Dr Krimsborg, DPM I must request immediate advanced treatment for my daughter, @Ginger Hope Mint. I knew she was in trouble when she Facetimed me and all she could say was "Ma-ma" and stared at me with those piercing blue eyes. Here eyes used to be brown! So I took the first flight I could to Psyhigh, picked up a Grand Hotel Doll Playset, and took a room at the Super 8.

Since then I've been playing with her, trying to keep her conscious, but she's displaying higher and higher levels of inappropriate nonverbal mimicry. She's also reduced to just 22 inches, and her vocabulary consists entirely of a small handful of phrases, including "Play with me," and "Do you think clowns are funny?" and "Playtime is a political struggle."

Is it too late for my daughter, @Dr Krimsborg, DPM? Can you treat her?