The whole gang's been sweatin', turning out material for @Zero Peach's planned assault on the commodification of language. Can we really create enough counterfeit to make the market crash? It's a fine line between churning out pure spam and something that sticks to the ribs, which is why I've been raiding the the Paranormal History archives. Here's part two:

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Biography Report by 0lga Butterfly
Mr. Findlay's 6th hour Paranormal History
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Tomas Stone (b. 1830)

Part II

Mary Eberson follows up on August 5th, 1857, with an entry that is to become typical of Sheriff Stone's peculiar behavior:

"After finishing the final chores of the evening I was putting out the light when I heard a terrible clatter from across the way - which happened to be the boarded up offices of our departed Sheriff. They had been vacant since the terrible events of last month, and Luther went so far as to board up the doors and windows, to preserve them as much as possible from the rowdy violence of the drunken villains that seemed to breed like rats in the absence of the Law.

I peeked out the front windows of the store and to my utter amazement it was Sheriff Stone hisself standing there, prying the boards from the doors of his offices!

I called to Luther, dizzy in my disbelief, and he went out to greet the Sheriff and to welcome him back. Though I was still swooning, I could not help but to cross to him and ask him how this could be. He assured us that everything was fine, and that what had happened was quite simple. It seems that, following what had appeared to us to be mortal injury, one or another of his swarthy dark skinned deputies had taken him to a certain medicine man they knew, though of what tribe Sheriff did not specify, and this primitive doctor was able to heal Sheriff's wounds. Not only that, but on his way back he had already tracked down the remainder of Jim Bat's gang and that we wouldn't be troubled by that group ever again!

The Sheriff does indeed seem to be of superior health - even more strong and youthful and handsome than before, if that were possible. In any case it is good to have him back, and already the town is returning to its better nature."

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While this is the first documented account of one of Tomas Stone's resurrections, it was likely not his first, and he had apparently been acquainted with the 'medicine man' and his 'swarthy dark skinned deputies' for some years prior to this rather public 'recovery.'

Boy I'll be darned if I've got any notion of where @Zero Peach is squirrellin' away all these texts we've been diggin' up. Loadin' up like ammo in some big language cannon as near as me and the rest of the gang can figure. Good thing I've got a friend in the archives helping supply me. Thanks @Melon Seawater! I think you outta be an honorary member of the gang.

Anyway, here's the latest:

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Biography Report by 0lga Butterfly
Mr. Findlay's 6th hour Paranormal History
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Tomas Stone (b. 1830)

Part III

In 1987, Dr. Dicky Treadwell published 'Immortal Mummification Cults of Ancient North America{1}.' An expert in serial immortality, Dr. Treadwell uncovered a creche in northern New Mexico that had been in use as recently as 1882:

"Recent flash flooding unearthed the entrance to a large tunnel complex, leading to a central temple chamber. The find was immaculate. Apparently untouched since it was abandoned, the site appears to have been initially created over seven thousand years ago. The mosaic work and altar structure are virtually identical to that of the Patavilca River site{2}, yet the site was apparently maintained and used until barely a hundred years ago.

Perhaps most fascinating of all were the contents of a canopic jar found on site. Sealed in this jar, in the midst of this sacred and secret resurrection chamber, were a pair of mid-19th century cowboy boots, with the initials 'TS' branded into them."


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{1}Treadwell, Richard (1987) Immortal Mummification Cults of Ancient North America. Psychic Archeology Today 30: 49-56.

{2}Treadwell, Richard (1977) Atlantean Immortality Techniques in Pre-Incan Peru. Psychic Archeology Today 19: 32-39.

Well with that spelling, grammar and punctuation, @Simon Blackberry, the gang sure could use your help filling up the language cannon. @Zero Peach keeps on tellin' us "load more! load more!" but looks like I'm just about out of Tom Stone stories. Here's the last one I could dig up:

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Biography Report by 0lga Butterfly
Mr. Findlay's 6th hour Paranormal History
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Tomas Stone (b. 1830)

Part IV

From the Fort Union Bulletin, November 13, 1859:

"Our neighbors in Warlock have at last eliminated their infestation of very large centipedes. As reported in this newspaper last month, the town had been experiencing an invasion of the gigantic predaceous arthropods - up to twelve feet in length in some cases. The creatures began by raiding chicken houses and menacing local dogs and cats, but their numbers soon grew to plague proportions and they began to break into houses and dry goods stores. The last news received from Warlock had been that the foul beasts had murdered the sheriff, and that the creatures had taken to nest in the local church.

An expeditionary force of the B Company Calvary returned from Warlock today with the good news that the giant centipede siege has ended. The sheriff had apparently not died but been merely severely sickened by the poisonous bites he incurred. After recovering he was able to return to his duties and exterminate the entire hoard of vile bugs. As for his method, Captain Samuel Lucy reports the sheriff used "an eerie green flame," apparently generated through a sort of flame shooting device attached to the sheriff's hands.

The B Company Calvary returned with their wagon loaded high with the charred carcasses of the exceedingly large invertebrates, and claim that the meat is tasty, being similar in both texture and taste to that of crawfish."