I've got a funny feeling about the pines.

They're still. Too still if you ask me. Even when the cold wind blows, they don't move a needle. Back in Timberland, every little Timber Tot learns the Pine Tree Song, how the little needles "shake shake shake" when the snow comes down. It's a way to introduce the little ones to sentient thigmonasty. But these pines aren't moving a muscle. Or blinking.

Still, I'll expect them all to start heading to the dance at Mesmer Hall eventually . I'll make sure their path is clear and they won't run into some crazy student brandishing an axe as a joke. We'll have a small formal reception for them right inside the door, and then it's on to the dance floor, where hopefully there won't be any funny business.

I'm hoping @Emilia Plissken will be there with her tiny reindeer. They would sure help break the ice. And I've sent word out on the grapevine for @Silverfawn's help--somebody who can really speak the tree's language. Er, actually, is that speciesist of me, just to assume @Silverfawn can speak to pine trees? I just figure we'll need all the help we can get making sure this goes off without a hitch.

Because there's something about these trees that's making me nervous.

Owwwww!!!!! My eyes!!!!!

Though I'm just a substitute teacher (as well as part-time substitute assistant coach for Mayan Mind Wrestling), I was asked to chaperone the Winter Solstice Dance and Tree Greeting Party, and I'd like to remind everyone tonight NO MOSHING. I will say it is our tree visitors who are breaking this rule the most, but please keep this in mind yourself.

Also: No grinding!

Mr. Gravy

All students who suffered from lacerations, scratches, eye pokes, minor impalement, and other wounds from the pine trees at the Winter Solstice Dance, please report to the Caduceus Clinic Triage Tent, in front of Mesmer Hall.

Even if you don't have a pine allergy, we need to make sure everyone is ok.

Also, sap removal stations are being set up in the commons for your convenience.

Big Jim
Student Activities Coordinator
Class of '99

Last night was a fiasco! First, the trees started scratching us when we offered our hands. Their dance moves were obscene, and they refused to eat the food we put out just for them. They were rowdy during @timberlina's speech, and they gave away major spoilers about the new Star Wars movie! I had already seen it, thankfully. I'm not at all allergic to pine trees, or anything, but their souls were messing up my karma. This isn't something a little yoga can't fix!

Hey. So, Pines are your problem? Well, they always were a little finicky about the Christmas thing. I have a special friend among the trees, so I was wondering if I could attempt to establish some.... boundaries between the trees and the student body. I'm also new here, so the trees shouldn't have my scent yet. Also, I have a bit of a bargaining chip on my side. If they hurt me, they risk the entire grove being swallowed by one of my "deadspots," so that should discourage them from devouring me. Don't worry, this will be a non-violent attempt for all you tree huggers out there.

Hey, back from my peace attempt with the trees!
Apparently, the Mother Tree, from what I could gather, demands a traditional festival as penance for the insult of the young pine being killed. I know the Mother Tree's daughter, so I tried to get them to take a message to her, but I'm not sure if I succeeded. Anyway, I looked up the name of the festival in the library..... Onbashira is a traditional festival that honors the "supreme beings" that are thought to inhabit the trees. 8 "ujiiko," or temple guardians, were chosen to organize the event, which involves Mother Tree's consent to sacrifice 16 young trees and carry them to sacred ground deep in the pine groves at twilight, where a temple frame is constructed, and blood from each of the "ujiiko" is buried in the center and a sapling is planted. The instructions weren't very clear, but the festival has happened here before. There was a page partially ripped out... the first part said something about "ujiiko dancing at midnight as the trees sing" but the rest is smeared with something... Sticky?
By the way, I tried to get them to let it go, but it looks like we'll have to do the festival. I need volunteers for the "ujiiko" by December 30th. Eight people are needed. NO HARM WILL COME TO YOU, I SWEAR. I will be there, overseeing the proceedings, but I cannot participate because of my blood's properties. If you ever want this conflict to end, we need to move quickly.

Last night sure was a fiasco. And it would have been a massacre if we hadn't been able to beat the pines in the melee. It's rotten knowing it was my fault for putting the student body in danger like that. But I was taught not to traffic in regret.

The truth is, if it weren't for my mysterious Timberjack visitor, I wouldn't have been able to hold the pines back, and the school would have fallen. But in the midst of the battle, I saw the flash of Mackinaw plaid out of the corner of my eye, and a Timberjack attacking furiously using the notorious Black Oak technique. This meant the Timberjack was clearly from the Iron Sequoia School - the arch rival to my own school, Yellow Birch. One hundred years ago our branches split, on account of some squabble between Timberjack Masters. Ever since, we stay well clear of one another, and if we find ourselves in each other's way, well, things don't end well.

I responded by fending off the savage pines using the Dance of Peeling Bark--a signature Yellow Birch school move--but I'll bet you I didn't need to announce my lineage. This sneaky visitor knows a lot more about me than I do them, I reckon.

When it was over, boughs were snapped an noses were bloodied, but we had won the day and the pines retreated back into the forest. I just can't figure these pines out. Hopefully @Akane Kiyoko will have better luck with them than I had. They must be some kind of Asian pine or something.

My inscrutable itinerant Timberjack disappeared into the woods as well. But now that I've identified them, I'm sure it's only a matter of time till our paths cross again.

@timberlina, I think you're right about the pines being asian pines: The festival I they told me about is a traditional asian festival. Speaking of which, we still need volunteers for the "ujiiko" of the festival... eight people are still needed! I would be honored to participate, but sadly, I'll have to oversee, beacuse the blood tribute (just a couple drops, don't worry) can't be performed by me (deadspot hazard). It would be great if @timberlina would participate.... She seems to know a lot about the trees.

Also perhaps @Silverfawn or @Emilia Plissken? I'll ask around...