It's my pleasure to announce this year's Valentine's Day Dance! It's always such an important time of year to reflect on those we love, or hope to love, or, in the case of my own relationship with that two-faced lying sack of rocks @Seketus Reed, perhaps a time of reconciliation should he truly and fully apologize and come to terms with his mistakes. And bring the right gifts.

The Psyhigh Student Council is no doubt preparing a humdinger of a dance for us, complete with all the requisite decorations, snacks, beverages, and musical guest, accompanied by the appropriate offerings and sacrifices to the appropriate gods of love. Can't wait. Sigh.

Looking forward seeing everyone next Tuesday! Especially you, Seketus.


Sincerely,

A. Hazeltine
Student Activities Coordinator

The administration was really breathing down our necks to show some progress with the dance preparations. But me and my sister have a lot on our plates, you know? There was the giant robotic clearcutting machine that went haywire over the weekend (those new housing developments are getting a little too close for comfort), and a couple of days before that it was a space-based threat that the Office of Naval Intelligence had us take care of (not allowed to provide details). The Otto Twins are always ready to use our Power attack mode for good!

So we finally got around to making it to Tulka's divining room and had him spin the bottle.

"Yue Lao?" I asked. "Seems pretty tame. Not like if we'd gotten Tlazōlteōtl again. Remember that?"

Neither Tulka nor my sister Otto Ough responded. That's because neither of them ever speak.

"Anyway, I guess we need to take a trip to the Moon if we're going to pick up these decorations and whatever. Ahem... Otto Ahn! Otto Ough! Moon travel mode!"

Did somebody say Ritual Dance?

That's always enough to get me and my crew up above ground and busting a move. Is it spring again, or winter yet? No shadows gonna scare us away this year no mam! We are ready for IT.

Just in time, my sister and I are back with the goods.

"Otto Ahn! Otto Ough! Return to Psyhigh mode!"

Getting in and out of Yue Lao's Moon Palace was no easy feat. Just because you know how old people love to talk. There was tea, and I will admit very delicious cookies and cakes, and endless questions where I had to explain over and over again "No, no, she's my SISTER." I explained how it was the Psyhigh Valentine's Day Ritual Dance and it was going to be Yue Lao themed and he was quite pleased, but insisted on us having dinner before he providing the necessary items. And don't get me wrong it really was delicious, so many courses, so many servants, so much talking and talking I kinda lost track of time... which can be a danger with these entities but luckily Otto Ough kicked me under the table as I was asking for seconds at desert and finally we were able to get the decorations and head out of there.

So... we've got what looks like about seventeen miles of red string. We'll be stringing it up all over campus tonight. So when you find the red strings tomorrow, just follow them to the dance, where you just might find your true love! And more string. Lots and lots of red string. And bean cakes and almond cookies and egg tarts and jellies and fried dough.

Also, Tanya Tiger, savage girl, has arranged for an all-Mipi band to be our musical guest. So get ready to get up and dance to... The Morphies!

Doors open at 8 at Psyche Hall

The dance was great! thankyou to everyone involved with setting it up and executing it! Couldn't have been more perfect.

Oh I’m just so tangled up in all this red string at the dance. I followed mine all the way from the lunchroom, and we were supposed to find our true love at the other end. But instead it’s just one big knot! So here we all are trying to untangle it, brushing elbows with each other and knowing that any one of us could be the other’s true love… I think my deodorant is wearing off. What if it’s that disgusting Riley Ryan? I think I will barf and die! And the damn band just keeps playing the Manamana song over and over and over again—how are we supposed to think in here? How could anyone think this is perfect? It’s like the most anxious day of my whole life!

I would like to ask the other students to quit pulling on the strings so hard. We are all caught up in this this big ball of red strings that we call fate, and yanking and tugging only hurts those of us who are more strongly connected to it. Like having one end tied to our pinky finger or little toe. Or, in my case, my tongue, but I do think sucking on the string and making it wet is helpful. No matter who we find ourselves connected to we should just remember how wonderful it is to be loved. And connected eternally in a way that no mortal can break.

After being in such a hurry to get it started, the administration has now asked the student council to "foreshorten" the Valentine's ritual, feeling that a week is too long to allow Valentine's Day Ritual Dance attendees to remain inexorably entangled in enchanted string.

The trouble is, the participants in this little party game have become dangerously obsessed with knowing exactly who is attached to the other end of the string, as this will indicate their predestined soul mate. Any attempts to remove the strings tied to their extremities results in a fierce hissing and swatting behavior. We had to separate Tanya Tiger from an altercation with one of them, but, granted, Tanya was already agitated from having to control herself around so much loose string.

It was Verso the Dream who suggested contacting Yue Lao for advice, as he'd no doubt "seen a lot of string" in his time. So Verso opened up his Moon Window and we summoned Yue Lao.

"What? WHAT?"

"Just hold your Moon Window in front of your face, honored sir. Look at it. Don't put it up to your... yes, just like that."

After understanding our predicament, Yue Lao was unsurprised.

"It really doesn't work at scale," he said. "The networks are too delicate for clumsy human fingers."

He suggested just cutting people free with a Taijijian.

"A what?"

"Or scissors. Just be careful!!" he said.

But weren't we somehow... cutting people off from one another? Disconnecting them? Separating them from their one true loves?

"Oh they can't avoid their true loves. String or not," he said.



So, while we might have some upset students on our hands, looks like it's time for:

"Otto Ahn! Otto Ough! String cut mode!"

I am crushed. My crushes all became a single giant tsunami of crush. A crush on the whole world! A crush of every potential at once. A crush on that damn red string. Until it crushed me.

That teacher's pet @Otto Ahn and his sister, tools of the administration, came in and snipped all the red string to bits. All of us students, frothing at the mouths as we were, screamed and wept and gnashed our teeth until nobody was paying attention to us anymore. Then we all crawled through the bits of red string and, in our tears, began to weave hair ties, and bracelets, and ear cuffs and piercing adornments.

I made a whole bunch of bracelets, and you can buy them from me at lunch. Guaranteed to be connected to your own true love.