PSYHIGH WINTER FESTIVAL AND HOLIDAY MARKET!

Welcome to the kickoff of Psyhigh's annual Winter Festival and Holiday Market! Throughout lower campus--every night through Christmas Eve--you'll find:

Events!
Dancing!
Games! (including Dunk-a-Psychic, TK-ball, and Haunted Claw Machines)
Ice Boat Races!
Psychick Food and Drink!
Handmade Vendor Faire!

Along with our yearly sale of handmade goods created by students and staff, we're also lucky to have @The Sky Wolf in town from ZEPHYR AIR TRANSPORT. The airship Sadie Hawkins is moored on the south end of Subliminal field, and that's right where you'll find their tents of exotic goods from across the multiverse, just waiting for you to take them home!

Come join the party, won't you?

Sincerely,

Big Jim
Student Activities Coordinator
Class of '99

OPENING OF THE DEMON GATES

Through a co-sponsorship with RIJIT-AK-KWAK, Scourge of the Thousand Worlds™, Psyhigh is opening up the gates to the Demon World for ONE NIGHT ONLY!

Tonight, you can experience the mind-wrenching terror of life on the demon-side with all the safety of sitting at home on your phone, through our 100% safe Demonic Protection Safety Shield! You can feel safe while gazing at all the unspeakable horrors the demon world has to offer, protected in a way that is entirely safe and will completely protect you from the nightmarish tortures of the demon world, and most forms of demonic possession.

No need to RSVP! Your participation is automatic and complimentary as part of your Psychic High School enrollment. Don't thank us now! Get out there and have a wonderfully frightening, but entirely 100% completely safe, night.

Also! As part of our co-sponsorship exchange program, the Demon World will soon be opening their gates to Psyhigh! As terrifying as their world is to us, the native denizens of the Demon World have fundamental aversions to test taking, dorm living, and cafeteria food. Sign up now to volunteer for the chance to be a cross-dimensional ambassador for this amazing pilot program.

FRIDAY THE 13TH EXTRAVAGANZA

We hope everyone is having a triskaidekadelic day, and was able to attend Ms. Beletseri's annual memorial lecture on The Physical Manifestaion of Abstract Fear this morning.

This afternoon we suggest a trip through lower campus to enjoy the extensive installation by Mr. Chin's modern psychic art class, where you can witness (and interact with) the 13 Rainbows, the 13 Feelings, the 13 Wild Horses, and of course the additional ten pieces making up this massive project.

And tonight! Be sure to appear in your finest formals for the 13th annual Dance of the Thirteen Daggers soirée in Mesmer Hall at 8pm. Bandages will be provided, but it doesn't hurt to bring your own.

Sincerely,

Big Jim
Student Activities Coordinator
Class of '99

For the comfort and convenience of new students, Sameness Stations have been set up throughout campus. Students can visit the Sameness Stations at any time during the school day to find some familiarity in the midst of their new surroundings.

The Sameness Stations are easily recognizable for their brown, cardboard color, being built out of large cardboard boxes acquired from the Science Lab. A number of new appliances were recently installed at the lab, and @Janitor Pete thoughtfully rescued these large boxes from the recycling.

Students visiting the Sameness Stations will be entertained by short skits performed with haunted Javanese sock puppets by members of the Active Psychic Student Alliance. These skits depict scenes from everyday life outside the school, such as visiting the grocery store or post office or juvenile court. It is their hope that these familiar vignettes will help students adjust more seamlessly to life at Psyhigh.

Enjoy! And a heartfelt welcome to all new students!

Sincerely,

Big Jim
Student Activities Coordinator
Class of '99

HEY LATE SLEEPERS: WAKE UP!

While the new Trans-Dimensional Shape Foam Beds so generously provided by @GROTTO G.S.M. INC. are, in fact, unspeakably comfortable, it has become clear that many students and staff members are sleeping through breakfast and lunch and only rising for a short time around dinner and demanding breakfast in the cafeteria.

For now, the Cereal Bar will remain open during dinner time, but the Omelette Bar will only be open during supper time. For space considerations, the Mongolian Barbecue will now only be open during breakfast time, while Tang, Dippin' Dots, and Steak-in-a-Tube will remain available to participants in the Psyhigh Space Program from midnight till dawn (at the Dean's request).

It is very important for all students (and aging staff members) to get a good night's rest, as psychic powers are deeply dependent on brain chemistry, dreaming, and generally not being tired and cranky. However, our Night Class schedule is currently fully booked, so students with traditional schedules will be expected to continue to attend class during traditional school hours.

Sincerely,

Big Jim
Student Activities Coordinator
Class of '99

ATTENTION RAINMAKERS!

Due to the unanticipated but in retrospect entirely predictable chaotic nature of this Saturday's Back-To-School Sacrificial Ball, Rainmakers are asked to "take a break" and to definitely NOT "make it rain" during the recently announced Cake Walk portion of the Sacrificial Ball.

While we anticipate that the "Cat Walk for Cakes" will be held underneath the very large tents currently being set up on lower campus, torrential rains could still pose a hazard for unprotected Cakes making their way to and from the venue, or seeking out the roaming Level 8 Bouncy House that's been promised, or perhaps adding their own offerings to the Sacrificial Bonfires, which we still assume to be central to the Sacrificial Ball.

In short, a we wish to avoid a cake-tastrophe involving rain and cakes. All the sweet, green icing flowing down would be unbearable, as we may never have that recipe again.

Sincerely,

Big Jim
Student Activities Coordinator
Class of '99

Due to an unanticipated level of interest in the upcoming Back-To-School Sacrificial Ball on August 19th, large construction dumpsters will be placed throughout campus to contain the growing piles of combustible refuse.

If you have placed a stack of old report cards, newspaper clippings, coupons, love letters, works of art, cherished memories, hated memories, hair and nail clippings, old worn out favorite shoes, old worn out favorite jeans, textbooks, gum wrappers, etc, in large unstable piles in hallways and sidewalks, we ask that you remove them and place them in the nearest conveniently located 20 cubic yard construction dumpster.

Please make an entry in the log book attached to each dumpster as to what you are putting in, so it can be accurately identified during the Back-To-School Sacrificial Ball ritual. Or in the case that it moans too loudly from the bin, calling out forlornly in the night. Or begins to wander the school grounds, lost and lonely, or (worst case) belligerently.

Sincerely,

Big Jim
Student Activities Coordinator
Class of '99

EXTRATERRESTRIAL TELEVISION SHOW VIEWING PARTY

Join us tonight at 8pm in Mesmer Hall for a viewing of the television signals recently intercepted from the Ross 128 system in the constellation of Virgo. This is part of the Active Psychic Student Alliance's ongoing film festival series of television programs from other planets.

Ross 128 is only 11 light years away, which means these shows are FRESH! Seinfeld is more than twice that old! This will be more akin to seeing shows from the time of the first season of the Big Bang Theory, or 30 Rock. Except, of course, they are performed by life forms from other planets with highly divergent physiologies, incomprehensible cultures, and so-far-untranslated languages. It should be a hoot!

Doors open at 7:30. Refreshments provided by the APSA. Get there early for a good seat!

Sincerely,

Big Jim
Student Activities Coordinator
Class of '99

PSYCHIC HIGH SCHOOL PHOTO ID STUDENT BUS PASSES

In order to promote the use of psychic public transportation, Psyhigh has teamed up with Incorporeal Systems Inc. (not affiliated in any way ever with @GROTTO G.S.M. INC.) to allow Psyhigh Students to ride the bus for free this summer.

To take advantage of this terrific program, students just present their Psychic High School Photo ID (with Holographic Consciousness Stamp®) to any psychic bus driver. The ID serves as a free bus pass, and allows students to ride anywhere along the psychic routes.

Enjoy your free travel this summer! Please familiarize yourself with the brochure "Proper Psychic Public Transportation Etiquette," available in the administration building.

And while riding, always remember:

If you see something with your third eye, say something!

Sincerely,

Big Jim
Student Activities Coordinator
Class of '99

MIND SHIPS OPEN FOR SUMMER

All students will be pleased to hear that the Mind Ships, controlled by putting your hand on a screen and thinking about your destination, are now open for free student check-out. Put your name on the list at the Boat House and they will reserve a time for you.

And while I prefer to keep my medical history private, @Vizun, I will say that I did undergo The Ascension and that the operation was a success.

Sincerely,

Big Jim
Student Activities Coordinator
Class of '99