That's still not good, @Ludmila Schneeflocke.

I am more worried that they'll lace drinks with Mean Jugs. Mind you, this 'Larry' guy from the Cygnus extraterrestrial lab is currently developing a stronger kind of Mean Jug. There is no stopping that madman, really. Well, careful, folks.

I come from East Gnome High. I don't like East Gnome High because of the hierarchy. I have been attending classes at Psy High instead.

Don't tell anyone ... I hope I am still welcome here

My friend Crystal says the President stinks. Like, so bad, people literally vomit if they are in the same room with him for too long. It's like rotting flesh and dog poop. Nobody knows why.

The people who force themselves to be in the room with him for even a little bit get the Stink on them too and then people can't be around them either.

They are trying to use Zoom but you can get the Stink on you through Zoom or even just regular phone calls and even a little bit through texting so people are trying to stay away from all of that. Well, except for the really big suck ups, who now also stink.

That is why they are using an inflatable president decoy for all public appearances.

They fired all the teachers and closed down my school and instead now the kids go to a government co-working space and train AIs all day. So we can learn employable life skills.

I said screw that and ran away and joined Psyhigh.

I was almost retconned out of existence! Names got changed (to protect the guilty) and pretty soon "who I really was" was getting turned into something else entirely without me hardly feeling it.

I had a little itch and I was supposed to ignore it (everybody else was) but I have bad impulse control and just kept scratching and luckily that new reality just fell right off. Turned out I was molting! Can't keep an eternal Krab like me down, no siree.

My whole life has been a so-called Reality Accident.

Since they stopped teaching science (on account of the Do Your Own Research law) I figured the Psychics could get a lock on The Truth. But then they all got arrested.

My mom lost her job as a Causality Adjuster. Which was great because she wouldn't have been hired otherwise.

There's this old hobo who always seems to pick me out of a crowd and comes up to me no matter who else is around and asks me for a toothpick or a scrap of paper or and old popsicle stick or a tongue depressor anything made out of wood he says he owns 25 acres but there's a bark disease and he's making new trees.